She made me this sign a year after I lost my son, Sean James.
I have that sign propped up on the table beside my bed.
“ TODAY is Gonna be a GOOD DAY!!”
What a thought to open my eyes to, when some days I don’t want to open my eyes.
During the winter months, when the dark, gray days permeate my spirit, I see this sign:
“Today is Gonna be a Good day.”
I find it a little easier to hang on through the winter.
This week, the sun has been shining, and snow has been melting, and I am thinking about that sign:
“TODAY is Gonna be a GOOD DAY!!”
I can smell spring in the air—the birds are coming back. The weather is warmer—not warm—but not freezing.
My spirits are rising. Hope is in the air. New Life is in the air.
“TODAY is gonna be a GOOD DAY!!”
I have the same problems. My trials have not gone away. But somehow, my burdens seem a little lighter. It is easier to put those things I have no control over, in the Father’s Hands. It is easier to put the things I think I have control over in the Father’s Hands.
Spring is coming!! New life will overcome death and decay!!
I started my “Encouragement from Katie” blogsite almost 7 years ago. I have written some stories detailing the times when I have relied on God’s strength and guidance in my parenting, and in my life. However, there were times when I did not do this. There were times I was angry, frustrated, fearful, or anxious and I acted out those emotions. I remember a time when I expressed fear, and then anger, in the space of a heartbeat.
At the time, I was a mom with just 4 children, (I would have a fifth- 7 years later); their ages were: 8 years, 4 years, 3 years and 11 months old. It was time for our church’s VBS and I was helping with it. I dropped off my 11-month-old with a friend, who also had an 11-month old baby. She watched our babies while I took the 3 older children to VBS. At the end of VBS, I loaded up the children in our mini van and ran back in the church to grab something I had forgotten. Then— I came back out to the van, got in and drove off. I parked at my friend’s home and went in to get my baby. I came back out and noticed that my four-year-old was not in the van. I thought he had gotten out and was wandering around the neighborhood. I started calling for him, yelling his name one minute, and crying his name in the next.
My friend’s husband looked at me in amazement—I seemed like a woman gone berserk—yelling, then crying, then yelling, then crying. I was demanding that we call the police and the fire department. He said, “Why don’t we call the church first, maybe he’s at the church?” “No”, I snapped back, “I put him in the van, he must have gotten out at your house, and he’s wandering around the neighborhood.”
“Well”, he said, “let’s just call the church first.” Eventually, I agreed, and we called the church. Yes, my child was at the church. He had gotten out to use the bathroom, and I had not noticed when I got into the van. Even now, when I remember that story, my heart starts pounding and the adrenaline starts rushing through my body at the terror I experienced when I thought my child was lost.
Why do I recount this story? Because—this is what life is like isn’t it? Life is going along, and then something that we don’t expect happens—and how do we react? I don’t and haven’t always reacted well. The first thing I thought of, in the situation I just recounted, wasn’t God; I did not call out to Him to save my child. I tried to deal with the situation myself—and in relying on my own resources—I vacillated between terror and anger.
Perhaps, you can relate. Perhaps you too, try to deal with your life situations with your own resources, not turning to the Lord.
I have just recounted one story, yet, over the past 34 years of being a mother—my life is filled with many stories, many moments.
I have seen that being a mother has taken everything I have and more. It has brought out my worst self, and my best self. Like most mothers—I would willingly lay down my life for my children—-yet get annoyed with them for the smallest of offenses.
Fortunately, I have a Father who is the most patient of teachers, and He continues to give me lessons on how to love, until I learn. He is the most consistent, faithful, love-motivated teacher there is. His goal—to make me Holy, (whole), like Him. I came to Him broken, and He—He is fixing me. He is teaching me to love, like He loves.
It does not happen overnight, or in a month or in years—it takes a lifetime—it takes believing God and acting out what He shows me to do.
Just recently, I had another incident where I reacted from emotion. I thought I was beyond doing such things, but I am never beyond those things, because I will always need God. Whenever I think, “I’ve got this.” Life will throw me a curve-ball, and I will realize once again, “No I don’t have this, and God, please—HELP!!
Being a mom, has taught me how amazing God’s grace truly is, as I am continually leaning into Him to just take the next step, when my strength has given out. If that’s what you are learning as well—you are in a good place—you are in your Father’s hands—the safest place to be.
So Be Encouraged!!
A Song of Wisdom (The Passion Translation)
Poetic praise by King David
Psalms 37
3 Keep trusting in the Lord and do what is right in His eyes.
Fix your heart on the promises of God, and you will dwell in the land,
feasting on His faithfulness.
4 Find your delight and true pleasure in Yahweh,
and He will give you what you desire the most.
5 Give God the right to direct your life,
and as you trust Him along the way,
you’ll find He pulled it off perfectly!
**Photo is a picture my friend took of the Mediterranean Sea. I used it because it reminds me of the vastness of God, and power of God and the peace of God. He is our Rock.
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.”
What do you think about when you read that verse? Do you wonder, “What is sexual sin, and why is this important to God?”
When I was a freshman in college, one of my friends invited me to a film showing on my floor, called, “Maximum Sex”. The speaker was a man named Josh McDowell and he talked about the reasons to wait until marriage for sex. Now, my parents had talked to me about this, but no one else did.
I remember staying up with my roommate and a few others, talking until 5 in the morning about what this man said.
These were some of the key things I took away from this talk:
God wanted to protect me and provide for me.
*He wanted to protect my heart from being broken again.
*He wanted to protect me from diseases.
* He wanted to protect me from a pregnancy before I was ready and able to handle the responsibility of a child.
*He wanted to provide a husband I could trust.
*He wanted to provide a husband who had character.
* He wanted to provide a husband who would be a good father to our children and someone who would help me raise those children.
* God wanted to provide true intimacy and oneness for me and my husband.
(In reading over what I just wrote, I am struck anew with the fact that—that is exactly what God did provide for me through my husband of over 36 years.)
God loves us and wants the very best for each of us, and when we come to His Word and what His word is telling us, we need to read it with that in mind.
Jesus talks about this when He tells us that if anyone hears His words and listens and obeys, they are like a man who built his house on the rock, and when the rains came and the storms came, (rains and storms always come in life), the house stood firm. On the other hand, if one does not listen to Jesus, they are like a man who built his house on the sand, and when the rains and storms came that house was destroyed.
God does not want our house—our life to be destroyed—that is His motivation. He loves us—He wants the best for us. God wants the best for us. During this time if we haven’t been listening to Him, we can start. The God I know is a genius at rebuilding houses that have been destroyed – and putting them on a solid foundation. It is never too late to cast oneself into the Hands of a loving and forgiving God and ask for a new beginning.
February is the month my parents and my husband’s parents got married.
My parents–married in February, 1957.My husband’s parents, married in February 1958.
February is the month we celebrate Valentine’s Day. The world considers February the love month.
I’d like to give you examples of things my parents did for me and my siblings to show us love. I want to do this–to encourage my mom–that the life she lived, and my Dad lived—to love us, was noticed and appreciated and valued. (My Dad and my husband’s parents have already passed into eternity. We are equally grateful to them for their sacrifises of love for us.)
My mom would praise and encourage me often. She would notice things that I did and praise my efforts—even if it was as simple as cleaning out the sink.
My Dad showed his love in acts of service. He would scour pans, vacuum around the house, set up tents when we were camping with great care, chop up wood for our wood burning furnace—and do a myriad of other tasks all to take care of us, and make life easier for us.
My mom was in charge of gifts and gift giving. While my Dad’s salary provided for all our needs, my mom’s salary went to the luxuries of life—gifts, vacations, etc. My mom would shop for Christmas with great care, and then both of my parents would wrap the gifts together. Together they made Christmas time one of the most magical times of the year.
Both of my parents would hug us. However, after my dad had his stroke—hugs and touch were one of the few ways he had to communicate his love, as he lost his ability to speak—and so that was how he would show us he loved us. My Dad lived for 5 years without speech, until God took him home. (Tears come to my eyes at the thought of this.)
Quality time was spent with my parents every day. We ate supper together as a family, every night. We often laughed together, and told stories of our day around that old farmhouse table that my Dad had lovingly restored. Our family took a vacation every year together. We went camping and swimming and canoeing. We took a big trip to California and went to Disney Land and Knot’s Berry Farm. We went to New Orleans. We went to Virginia Beach. We had fun together, and we still tell stories of the times we spent with each other—(and let’s be honest—the fights we also had during these times.)
When I was a teenager, and wanted to be on the track team, my Dad ran with me to help train me and get me in shape. He spent quality time with me, and he would tell me his stories and tell me what a great runner I was and was going to be. (Which was total love on my Dad’s part—as I was not that good. My Dad however was a great runner. )
I know that you could tell me your stories of how your parents showed you, they loved you. Maybe you can’t. Even if that is the case—we have a Father who demonstrated and demonstrates His love for us. He demonstrated that love by sending His Son to live and die for you and me. God demonstrates that love for us, everyday, if we have the eyes to see it and the ears to hear it. Anytime something beautiful touches your heart, or your ears, or any of your senses—that is God telling you He loves you, and He is with you, and He will never leave you.
In God’s world, every month is a love month, and every day is a day to be awake to His love, and every minute is a moment to be aware that He loves you and will never leave you! So take a moment to breathe in the great love, our Father has for you!
After I had my third child–Sean James, I experienced postpartum depression. It was bad.
I remember going to a woman’s gathering, and telling my best friend, (Becki Crain), how depressed I was. Our conversation was overheard by another woman, who proceeded to tell me that if I trusted in Jesus, I would not be depressed. My countenance fell, sorrow filled my soul. My friend Becki had compassion in her eyes as she looked at me, and then turned to the other woman and said, “One thing doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the other.”
I relate that story because it has not been my first time, and it probably won’t be my last time, of being judged by other people, and somehow feeling diminished in the process. My first response to this judgement is to want to defend myself. They don’t understand. Perhaps I could make them understand. Perhaps if they understood and agreed with me, I would somehow feel restored.
My second reaction is to try to avoid such people and such encounters in the future. Certainly, after my son Sean died–I did isolate myself. My wounds were too great to have others inadvertently touching them with their clumsy words and possible judgements. When I did experience judgements and corrections—my response was to lash out in anger.
Awhile back, I experienced a situation where I felt judged and misunderstood. I felt very vulnerable. I walked away from that time, so angry with God. How could He not protect me? How could He have allowed me to be so hurt? Then I turned the anger on myself. How could I have put myself in a situation where I would be so vulnerable?
For the past four years, I’ve been going to Celebrate Recovery. Everyone there is dealing with hurts, habits and hang-ups of some sort or another. When we meet in small groups, we start each group by reading through a list of guidelines –things like we aren’t there to fix each other, rather, to listen to each other, and so after each person takes 3 to 5 minutes to talk about their own recovery–no one says anything to fix them. I must tell you—this is glorious!! It definitely gives me a feeling of being safe, heard and understood. (I highly recommend a group like this.)
So—how did I process the previous situation? Well, like God used my friend Becki to comfort me, and correct the other woman, God used another Becky to give me a book, which I read, which greatly comforted me. But mostly, God showed up. Once again, I saw that God is near to the brokenhearted. God, Himself, comforted me. He reminded me that my value and significance was not found in anyone or anything but Him. Others may have legitimate things to say to me—even though they may hurt me at the time– however, everything they say must be brought to the feet of Jesus to see if it is legitimate, and to act on it, if so.
I was able, after that time with the Lord, to speak with each of the people who had spoken to me, not in anger, but in love and forgiveness. I knew this was the gift of the Holy Spirit to me. This was the work of God in my life. Going through this experience has helped me see that I don’t need to avoid people for fear of being hurt by them. People are not my God. God is my God, and His love is never failing. His will is to give me His Joy and Peace—which surpasses all understanding.
When I was young, my uncle used to take movies of us–and he put them on a reel to reel. I’m not even sure where the movies are now–perhaps they are lost in the ravages of time. I’m trying to preserve my memories–through using the latest technology to transfer photos and videos—to the digital world and save them for the next generation.
However, much of our history gets lost to the ravages of time. I remember my chemistry teacher telling me that if things are not taken care of they will decay at a very fast rate. They will still decay, even if they are taken care of–just at a slower rate.
When I was a young bride, my husband’s family took a trip to Canada to visit family. As part of our trip, we went to an old town that my husband’s grandfather had lived in growing up–except no one lived there anymore, and the town had reverted to dust. There were a few stone foundations left standing–but the town and its structures had literally disappeared. It was very eerie.
What is my point? My point is that everything eventually will decay and disappear.
This is a really good reminder for me. It helps me to really look at what is important in life.
Ultimately–the “things” will not last. But God–He is eternal, and He has given me and you and all of us– eternal souls. We will last beyond the ravages of time.
God has placed eternity in our hearts. That is quite a thought isn’t it–God has placed eternity in our hearts. No wonder we aren’t satsified and keep wanting more. We want eternity. We want the Eternal One, and the Eternal One wants us. The Eternal One gave everything He had to make us His own, to kill the sin nature that lives inside of each of us, and bring to life the Eternal soul that rests within each of us. Our God wants to be One with us, and wants us to be One with each other.
He came to earth to show us how He is a God who wants to serve us, to love us. He wants us to turn around and love and serve each other. He put eternity in our hearts.
What do you do when reality does not meet your dreams? When I was young, I used to dream of being loved and married to a very romantic person. I think many of my dreams were formed by reading romance books and watching romantic movies.
As a single person in my late twenties, I would often chat with friends about what my husband would be like. He, (this mythical creature), would tell me how wonderful I was, and fill my life with his poetry and prose. My friends would laugh at me, and tell me they couldn’t wait to meet this amazing specimen of a human being. (Just so you have a picture in your mind of who I was picturing—I grew up in the time of Star Wars–and I would have chosen a Luke over a Hans Solo—every time.)
Then I met Rich, my husband. He was definitely a Hans Solo type of guy—not a Luke. When we first met, I immediately assessed that he was not my type. However, I thought we would be good friends. But then, he kept serving me, and showing me through his acts of kindness—that maybe he was my type after all. Plus, children loved him, babies loved him—and I found that wildly attractive.
My husband and I were on staff with a Christian organization, and our friends were spread across the country and the world. However, every two years we would meet in Colorado for staff training for a few weeks.
Staff training was taking place 3 weeks before our wedding. Many of my friends would be meeting Rich for the first time. One of my roommates for that staff training was a sweet, gentle soul from Hawaii. (She and I had shared an adventure in New York City together–click here for that story. 🙂 )
After meeting my husband she looked at me rather mischeviously–and asked if Rich was as romantic as I had hoped for. (I think she could tell he was definitely a Hans Solo kind of guy.)
“No”, I answered, “but he has other really great qualities.”
That week, my friend got to see those really great qualities in action, as I got the stomach flu. Suddenly, my hero sprang into action, and took care of me, bringing me trays from the cafeteria–filled with food that I could eat—like jello, broth, ginger ale, and crackers. He did not care if he would get sick himself–he just demonstrated his love through his acts of service. I remember my friend telling me, “Wow, Rich really loves you. I wasn’t so sure about him, until I saw the way he treated you, and served you. He really is your Prince.”
This past week, I’ve been sick again, (as have my daughters), once again, my hero sprang into action, taking care of all of us, demonstrating his love, time and time again.
Why do I tell this story? I think many of us have similar stories. We expect and desire love to come in a certain form. Words mean a great deal to me–so I look for love through words. Sometimes, I can be looking for love in one way, so much that I miss seeing it, in the way it is being offered. My “dream” is a cloud that can be blown away, but my reality—it is rock solid land–that can be stood upon, and depended on. The land is not smooth, it is rough to walk upon at times–but it is a good land—a gift from a good, good Father—-who often gives us gifts we really need, not just what we think we need.
So as we enter into this New Year, let us be thankful to the God who sees us and hears us and answers us, and let us BE ENCOURAGED!!
This Christmas all my children and grandchildren were with me and my husband. When I say all–I also mean my son Sean, who died 12 years ago in September of 2013.
I’ve experienced this phenomenon before– where Sean’s presence is so strong at Christmas. I can hear his voice in my ear. I sense him all around the house. I’ve talked with others who have said goodbye to their loved ones, and they have had similar experiences. However, others have not had these experiences. I don’t know what it means. I have just been grateful to have had the experience.
On Christmas, as I was hugging my 3 year old granddaughter, she said out of the blue, “Uncle Sean”. I started crying in earnest. Later I told my granddaughter how glad I was that she said her Uncle Sean’s name, and that was a great gift to me to hear his name.
I have never really wanted to discuss these experiences too much, because we live in a culture where things have to be seen and touched and measured—for them to be real.
However, scripture tells us that we are living souls—that there is a part of each of us that cannot be seen or touched or measured—yet it is the realest and most alive part of each of us.
This is the season we celebrate God’s great gift to all of us–the gift of eternal life, the gift of forgiveness, the gift of a relationship with Him. He is the One in whom we live and have our being—the One who surrounds us and from where there is nowhere that we cannot go. This God gives breath to each of us. This God,emptied Himself, and became human and dwelt among us. This God is reconciling the world to Himself.
For some reason, this God allowed me to experience the presence of my son. Perhaps as a reminder that when we die, we still live on, and we will see each other again. We will be with each other, through all of eternity. Death will not win. Evil will not win. Love will triumph. Love will never fail. God will have the last Word.
May these thoughts bring peace to you, if you are grieving. May these thoughts bring hope to you if you are hopeless. May these thoughts bring you courage—if you need courage. May these thoughts bring love to you—for you are loved—with an everlasting love!!
Are you having a “Gift of the Magi” Christmas? I love the story of the Gift of the Magi–where the wife sells her long hair to buy her husband a platinum watch chain for his golden pocket watch, (an heirloom from his family), and the husband sells his prized pocket watch to buy his wife a set of decorative combs for her beautiful long hair. The story reveals the love they had for each other–that they were willing to sacrifice something that they both valued–for the sake of the other. Often it is in the midst of want and need–that love shines through.
I have my own story of a Christmas where I felt great want and need. It was many years ago. I was a young wife and mother, with just one child–a one year old. My husband had started working as a carpenter for a construction company. He was making $6 an hour. I was a stay at home mom. We were very, very poor. And I was feeling the sting of being so poor.
Both my husband and I love to give gifts to each other, and to others, and we could not afford very much. I had been scrimping and saving to set aside some money to buy gifts. I ended up buying my husband some carhartt overalls and a flannel shirt. (He needed them desperately for work.) I also got him a train engine. (My husband has a hobby of collecting model trains–and every year for Christmas, he puts a Lionel train set around the Christmas tree.)
My husband got me an antique tea pot with sugar and creamer. We bought our son a toy train set.
Except for the Carharrt overalls–we probably paid $100 for all these gifts. But it was not the cost that mattered–it was truly the thought. I still treasure that teapot. I still remember the thoughtfulness of the gift. You see, when I got married, my mother gave me the tea set–the cups and saucers she had received as a wedding gift.
So, when I opened the gift of the Tea Pot and sugar and creamer that matched that tea set, I was so, so touched at the thoughtfulness of the gift. I will never forget that gift. (Sometimes when there are so many gifts—it is hard to remember all of them—but when there is just one—and when that one is so thoughtful—it becomes elevated—never to be forgotten.)
This time of year—there are many gifts—there are lights and decorated trees and parades and joy!! The whole world seems to be celebrating the greatest gift we have ever received—Jesus!!
At a time when there was great need, great want—Jesus came. There is still great need and great want—and Jesus is still God’s gift to us—the One never to be forgotten—the One the whole world seems to be celebrating this time of year.
I hope and pray that if you are experiencing a Christmas of great need and great want—that you’ll see that God thought you were so important and so valuable—that He gave to you—a Gift beyond any price—the Gift of His Son. I hope that this Gift will be elevated in our hearts above all others.
May We Be Encouraged!! Merry, Merry Christmas Everyone!!
Every year, our family puts up our Christmas Tree. We get out the boxes of decorations–they are in red tubs with green lids, and each ornament is nestled in its original boxes—I am bragging about this area of my organization, as it is the only area I can brag about. 🙂 We make hot cocoa, have some cookies, and decorate our tree.
I love decorating the tree. We usually buy an ornament to commemorate a vacation we took, or a special trip we took and so decorating the tree is a walk down memory lane. We talk about the trip or remember the people who gave us the baby ornament, or any ornament we put up on our tree.
After Sean died, this usually wonderful tradition of decorating the tree became a tradition that led to grief. Every ornament became a memory with his memory attached. “Remember, we got this ornament when we took the trip to Florida and we went to Disney World?” Then I would remember how Sean wanted to go to Florida to Disney World so badly. There were T.V. shows on the Travel Channel highlighting the Disney Parks, and he would watch them over and over again.
“Mom, can we go to the Disney Parks?” “Well, Sean, you can pray about anything, so you can pray that we go to the Disney Parks.” In my mind, I didn’t know how this would ever happen, it seemed unlikely to say the least, but when my daughter told me all she wanted In the whole world was a baby sister, (she was 5 at the time), I told her the same thing—”well, you can pray about anything, so pray for God to give you a baby sister.” I was thinking we could look into adoption. Instead I found myself pregnant at the age of 45, giving birth to a baby girl at the age of 46.
Sure enough, shortly after my son started praying to go to the Disney Parks, my sister-in-law called my husband and she wanted to plan a family trip with our families and their parents to go to the Disney Parks. (Their parents had a time share that we used the points from to book timeshares in Orlando, and my sister-in-law knew the websites to get the best deals on the Disney tickets—and so we found ourselves down in Florida—in the Disney Parks!!) We had a blast!! Sean had a blast!!
Looking at the ornaments–led to all those memories, which led to grief, but it also led to remembering the answered prayers as well. This helped us stand in the reality that God exists, and He loves us, He listens to us, He cares for us.
It was very difficult to continue with this tradition of decorating the tree. We celebrated our first Christmas without Sean a mere 3 months after we lost him. We were still in a state of shock. My husband and I thought we needed to continue with our traditions, that the children needed these things to bring the past into our present and our future. Even though it felt like everything had changed, some things remained the same. God’s love remained the same. We have found that each year, there is more of a blessing in the remembering, than grief. It has helped to bring Sean into our present and will help bring him into our future.
Just writing this story, I am remembering my daughter praying for a baby sister, and God answered!! God does not always answer these types of prayers—as my nieces who were only daughters will attest—but He did for my daughter. Perhaps because He knew that she and all of us would need this baby in the days to come, (our baby was 6 years old when her brother died.) She would bring us God’s comfort and love in her hugs and kisses and declarations that, “Sean is in heaven, and we are going to heaven too, we will see him again.”
Christmas is celebrating that God left heaven and came down to earth in the form of a baby. “Immanuel” means “God is with us.” In John 1: 1,14, we find this concept of : The Word is God and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.
In Romans 8:31, it says, “If God is for us, who is against us?” In other words–it doesn’t matter who is against us, because God is so big and great, we are covered by Him.
Romans 8: 38, 39 also says– nothing can separate us from His love.
I am here to bear witness to these truths. God is With Us. God is For Us. Nothing—not death nor life, nor any created thing can separate us from His love. Not losing a child, or the grief that this loss brings, or any other problem in the entire world can separate us from His love.
If you are having trouble believing this, I want you to think about how much you love your children, and you are a mere human being. If you and I can love with such passion as imperfect human beings, imagine how a perfect, infinite being who considers us His children—loves us. It is not so hard to imagine when we think of it in those terms—is it?
However, God’s thoughts are greater than my thoughts, and His ways are greater than my ways. Sometimes, (ok—many times), I question God and what He is doing in my life. I questioned Him many times for taking my son. I have come to the realization that God is not upset with my questions, but sometimes His only answer is to wait on Him, and trust Him, even if I don’t know the answers, I can trust Him, I can trust His love, I can trust that He is for my family, He is for me.
You can trust that God is for you, He is for your family. You can trust in His love. He is “Immanuel”—God is with us—He is with us in our joy, in our grief and in our lives!! So Be encouraged!!
**This post was originally posted 6 years ago–but I am still a witness to these truths. Merry Christmas Everyone!!
Encouragement for you!! 