Your part in the story will go on….

Today, I reread an old journal of mine. I found this journal that I kept right after my son Sean died.  In it, I share memories of Sean, and I pour out my grief and sorrow.  However, as I read it–I was struck by a quote I wrote down from the movie, “The Return of the King, (Lord of the Rings). ,  “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.” (Frodo Baggins). “

At the end of the movie, Frodo says to Sam, You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on.

It struck me because just recently I wrote in my journal: 

Father,  I have been saying, , “You are worthy of loving, You are worthy of serving, You are worthy of obeying, You are worthy of trusting, you are worthy of praising even when my world and circumstances are horrid.”   For one thing–You will always be worthy regardless of my life and circumstances.  For another thing–there are wonderful moments as well as the horrid ones. 

There is my sweet 6 month old grandbaby giving us her mostly toothless grins, and the sweetness and vibrancy of our one year old granddaughter, the charm and laughter of our two year old granddaughter, and exuberance and tenderness of our six year old grandson, the thoughtfulness and compassion of our 8 year old granddaughter.

There are the conversations with my dramatic and daring daughters–where they show me who they are, and I hear about the moments of their lives.  There are the conversations with my usually silent sons, where they let me into their worlds and their hearts.

There are many sweet, loving moments with my servant-hearted husband,  and our long conversations with each other.

There are many, many acts of love from my family.  There is such sweetness in the times we get to talk and the times we have with one another.

After Sean died–I wanted to die too.  But, I knew I still had a job to do here on this earth.  I knew that though I did not know how I was going to pick up the pieces of my life–that my part in the story must go on for many years.   And lo, and behold, I have found that in spite of all the pain, in spite of all the continued pain–that time does not heal—I have gone on.  I have enjoyed life.  I have enjoyed the many, many gifts of life.  I have come to the conclusion over and over again that—”There’s some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.”  (a quote from Sam to Frodo–as they fight to save the world from the forces of evil.)

“There’s some good in this world, and it is worth fighting for.”   God is the One who gives us all that is good in this world–and He is worth living for, He is worth dying for, He is worth everything!!  When darkness threatens to fall over our entire world–let us remember–that:

“There is some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it is worth fighting for.”

May We be encouraged!!


This week our homeschool co-op started up.  I found myself talking to a couple of young moms who are just starting to homeschool.  One of them started homeschooling because of Covid.  The other one heard a definite call from God to homeschool.  I started homeschooling because of my husband.  He had ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) as a child–and school felt like a prison to him.  It was becoming increasingly clear that our oldest son had ADHD, and we decided to homeschool because of this.

I found myself telling these young moms some of our story—I think because I hoped to allay some of their future trials with homeschooling–although honestly–my parents and probably yours–tried to teach us from the wisdom of their experiences–and I have found that I usually learn from my own experiences not others.

However, in case any parents– are reading this—this is what I wish I could tell them–this is what I wish they could learn from my own experiences:

  1.  Homeschooling is a calling, and God will make it very clear if He is calling you–if you are open to considering it.  (So many moms have told me– “I could never do that”–  In other words–even if God was calling them to homeschool, they would not hear His call. )  Some of us fall into this calling by circumstances–like Covid–or in our case–a medical condition of our child that was best served by teaching at home.   However when my oldest was going into 5th grade, I decided to put him in public school.  God told me very clearly not to do this.  My son had 2 years of being bullied and lost a lot of ground scholastically because I decided to ignore what God was clearly communicating.  Just as a good parent will call out to their child, when the child is entering the street when a car is coming–so God was calling out to me—but I chose not to obey.
  1.  God may call you to homeschool some of your children and not homeschool others, or not homeschool at all.

A few of my children–when they were in the older grades of High School, went to public school.  God made it very clear to all of us that this was the correct decision for them.  My second son wanted to go to public High School because he wanted to reach other students for Jesus.  He wanted to run with the track and cross country team.  A few weeks into the fall term–our third son was killed as he was riding his bike.  Our second son had his cross country team to support him during this time.  They wore t-shirts and plastic bracelets in memory of my third son.  They loved on my second son.  Again–God made it clear to our spirits–before this son went to High School–that this was the right decision for him at this time.

  1.  If God is calling you to homeschool, He will strengthen you, even if you feel inadequate.  I have been homeschooling for over 25 years–and I still feel inadequate–I still wonder if I am going to ruin my child–and not prepare her well for her  future.  In fact, most homeschooling moms that I know, are plagued by the same doubts and fears.   I am only homeschooling one child right now–and guess what–it is not easy.  It has never been easy.  No calling from God will ever be easy.
  1.  God does not expect perfection from us, but He does want us to be honest—He wants us to be honest when we are at the end of our ropes and need help.  He wants to be honest, when we react in anger to our children and ask for forgiveness from Him and from them.  He wants us to be honest with other moms–and not act like we have it all together–because we are afraid of what they’ll think about us if they know how not altogether we really are.
  1.  The fifth and last thing I would suggest to those who are prayerfully considering homeschooling or are homeschooling, but are not in a support group—is to join a homeschool co-op.  

The first few years I homeschooled I had a best friend, (Becki Crain) who homeschooled.  Becki had been a school teacher before she homeschooled.  She taught me so much.  Then Becki died.  I did not have a support group.  So I joined a group.  Wow!!  There is so much power in joining with others!  First, my kids loved it!!  Second, other parents have abilities in different areas than my husband or I have.  It is and was wonderful to have my children learn from others who are teaching them from their strengths.

It was not easy finding this group.  This was before the internet.  However—if God is calling you to homeschool–He will also equip you to this task–and if a support group is what you need–God will provide one for you, be it one other person—or a huge group.

I guess the main idea from all these points–is that the burden of parenting–or homeschooling is not on me, and it is not on you—the burden is on God.  This is what God means when He tells us to abide in Him, for apart from Him we can do nothing. (John 15)

It is also what He means when He says that we can do mighty things, but if we don’t do these things in love, it means nothing. (1 Corinthians 13)

I hope that the thought of the burden being on God–and not you–will encourage you!!  It does me. 🙂