Mother Encouragement – Encouragement for you!!

My Valentine’s Day Gift, (written 3 years ago)

Published on February 22, 2023 by katiesencouragementforyou12 Comments

Recently, I was communicating with another mom who lost her son, and I asked her if she frequently dreamed about her son. It reminded me of a dream I had about Sean 3 years ago. I actually wrote a blog about this dream and I sent the blog to her, but I thought I would share it again–as it reminded me of the importance of mothering–even in the smallest of moments–and I want to encourage you moms–that all the things you do, the kissing of the boo-boos, blowing noses, changing diapers, it all matters, love always matters.

Last night I received a gift. I got to live a few moments of being Sean’s mom again. I know it was a dream. I very seldom have dreams where I see Sean. I can remember less than a handful in the past 6 ½ years. Each dream when I see my son is a gift. Even if I dreamed of Sean every night, it would be a gift, but I might not be a functioning human being, if that were the case, as each dream is so emotional and carries a price.

In this particular dream, we were at an event at church. It was an event for the children. A bunch of younger boys were laying on the floor, listening to a story. All of a sudden there was a tussle, and I looked down in the crowd of boys and saw my son Sean, who was only 7 or 8 in the dream. He had just got wacked in the face, and his nose was bleeding. He was trying valiantly not to cry.

While yelling at the boys to stop, and glaring at them, I reached down, grabbed Sean, comforted him with a hug, and started dealing with his bleeding nose.

In other words – I got to mother him. For those few moments in time when I was dreaming, I got to be Sean’s mom once again.

Now it seems that all my children—are ages, where it isn’t simple to be a mom. Gone are the days of hugs and kisses that solve almost every problem. I don’t always know what to do. I spend a lot of time praying and asking for wisdom, then coming to the conclusion that for most of my children, my role now is to just love and let go. So much harder to do than it sounds.

If Sean were here on this earth, he would be 22 years old, probably getting ready to graduate from college. I can picture what he would look like in my mind’s eye, how he would have grown and matured. When I look at my oldest son, and my youngest daughter—I see glimmers of Sean. I see glimmers of him, in my nephew. I see his wonderful spirit in my grandson. How grateful I am for the real moments that have come my way of getting to hug and comfort children again through my grandchildren and great nieces and nephews.

In my dream, Sean was 7 or 8. Young enough to hug and comfort, young enough to mother.

It’s funny—in real life, there were so many moments for mothering—for hugs and kisses and let’s put a bandage on that, that they all kind of run together into one vague memory.

Now I have a memory—it is not a real one—but it represents one of the many, many memories that is now less than distinct.

That is a gift, to now have a memory of mothering Sean, that I can savor, and which my broken heart can hold fast . So, thank you God. Happy Valentine’s To me!!

Happy Birthday Mom!!

Published on November 16, 2022November 16, 2022 by katiesencouragementforyou4 Comments

My mom with all her siblings and her mother.

November is my mom’s birthday month. This past year my mom has been battling cancer. She has battled this disease with her faith and her smile, and has remained joyful during this time. She is living out the belief that she might not know her future but she knows the One who does–and He holds her hand.

Dad and Mom when they were “courting”, sitting on her parent’s front porch.

Mom and Dad–Mom just gave birth to her third child and is not feeling the best, so is not wearing her usual smile.

Mom with my two oldest siblings, pregnant with her third child. She would have her first five children in four years!

Mom with all six children–four girls and 2 boys!! The afghan on the couch was crocheted by my Dad’s mother, and my mother still has it!! One of her love languages is gifts–she loves to give gifts and receive them!

My mother hosted the holiday meal for her family, while being very pregnant with my youngest sibling!

My mother has shown me the wisdom of just doing the next right thing that there is to do. She has shown me what it looks like to depend on God, in times of weakness.

My Mom and Dad with all six of their children

My mother is a person of great faith. She has an awe of the Almighty and a humbleness that displays that she knows who she is, because she knows who He is.

She is also a little dynamo!! Her energy never seems to flag, and her smile is a constant garment she wears.

Mom and Dad with their children and grandchildren surrounding them.

What I love most about my mother, is her laugh. It is infectious, and joy filled, and my mother laughs often. My mom seems to take joy and sprinkle it wherever she walks and wherever she is. Her very name means “Joy”.

She has graced her family and friends with that joy for 84 years!!

Mom holding one of her great grandchildren–my granddaughter. 🙂

So, Mom—I want to wish you a Joy Filled Day and Month!! I love you Mom!! Your family loves you!!

Love Wins

Published on September 3, 2021 by katiesencouragementforyou3 Comments

I found this video today and watched it. It was so encouraging, I had to share it with you’all.

Lin Smith, tells the story of her son—her prodigal son—estranged for 20 years from her and her husband, and their journey of prayer, faith and mostly—love!!

The message I took from it, is that Love never fails, and never gives up, and that God, who is Love—loves our children more than we do—and He never gives up on us or our children, and He never fails us or our children!!

I also wanted to share a song with you called “Grace Wins” by Matthew West. One of the lines in the songs states, “For the prodigal son–Grace wins” and I thought this song further revealed the message of Lin Smith.

Hope this encourages you as it has encouraged me!!

The Safest Place To Be

Published on August 18, 2021 by katiesencouragementforyou4 Comments

I started my “Encouragement from Katie” blogsite a little over 2 years ago. I have written some stories detailing the times when I have relied on God’s strength and guidance in my parenting, and that is the purpose of this blog—to encourage young moms to look to God for the answers and strength in their mothering role. However, there were times when I did not do this. There were times I was angry, frustrated, fearful, or anxious and I acted out those emotions. I remember a time when I expressed fear, and then anger, in the space of a heartbeat.

At the time, I was a mom with just 4 children (I would have a fifth- 7 years later); their ages were: 8 years, 4 years, 3 years and 11 months old. It was time for our church’s VBS and I was helping with it. I dropped off my 11-month-old with a friend, who also had an 11-month old baby. She watched our babies while I took the 3 older children to VBS. At the end of VBS, I loaded up the children in our mini van and ran back in the church to grab something I had forgotten. Then— I came back out to the van, got in and drove off. I parked at my friend’s home and went in to get my baby. I came back out and noticed that my four-year-old was not in the van. I thought he had gotten out and was wandering around the neighborhood. I started calling for him, yelling his name one minute, and crying his name in the next.

My friend’s husband looked at me in amazement—I seemed like a woman gone berserk—yelling, then crying, then yelling, then crying. I was demanding that we call the police and the fire department. He said, “Why don’t we call the church first, maybe he’s at the church?” “No”, I snapped back, “I put him in the van, he must have gotten out at your house, and he’s wandering around the neighborhood.”

“Well”, he said, “let’s just call the church first.” Eventually, I agreed, and we called the church. Yes, my child was at the church. He had gotten out to use the bathroom, and I had not noticed when I got into the van. Even now, when I remember that story, my heart starts pounding and the adrenaline starts rushing through my body at the terror I experienced when I thought my child was lost.

Why do I recount this story? Because—this is what life is like isn’t it? Life is going along, and then something that we don’t expect happens—and how do we react? I don’t and haven’t always reacted well. The first thing I thought of, in the situation I just recounted, wasn’t God; I did not call out to Him to save my child. I tried to deal with the situation myself—and in relying on my own resources—I vacillated between terror and anger.

Perhaps, you can relate. Perhaps you too, try to deal with your life situations with your own resources, not turning to the Lord.

I have just recounted one story, yet, over the past 29 years of being a mother—my life is filled with many stories, many moments.

I have seen that being a mother has taken everything I have and more. It has brought out my worst self, and my best self. Like most mothers—I would willingly lay down my life for my children—-yet get annoyed with them for the smallest of offenses.

Fortunately, I have a Father who is the most patient of teachers, and He continues to give me lessons on how to love, until I learn. He is the most consistent, faithful, love-motivated teacher there is. His goal—to make me Holy, (whole), like Him. I came to Him broken, and He—He is fixing me. He is teaching me to love, like He loves.

It does not happen overnight, or in a month or in years—it takes a lifetime—it takes believing God and acting out what He shows me to do.

Just recently, I had another incident where I reacted from emotion. I thought I was beyond doing such things, but I am never beyond those things, because I will always need God. Whenever I think, “I’ve got this.” Life will throw me a curve-ball, and I will realize once again, “No I don’t have this, and God, please—HELP!!

Being a mom, has taught me how amazing God’s grace truly is, as I am continually leaning into Him to just take the next step, when my strength has given out. If that’s what you are learning as well—you are in a good place—you are in your Father’s hands—the safest place to be.

So Be Encouraged!!

The Gift of Babies

Published on July 13, 2021July 13, 2021 by katiesencouragementforyou4 Comments

Babies: adorable, sweet, cuddly, who can resist them? Well, I thought I could. Before I got married, I had a conversation with a friend, stating that if for some reason, I couldn’t have a child, I would not try to change that ability through medical means. If I wasn’t a mom, oh well, I had no great longing and desire to be a mother.

Then I had my first child, and a switch was turned on inside me. All my latent maternal instincts sprang into being. This child had to be the most fabulous baby on the face of the earth. My heart was flooded with love, tenderness and emotion. I had never felt such devotion before in my life. I would look with pity on mothers who had older children, as they did not have a baby any longer.

I wondered when I was pregnant with my second child, how I would ever love my second child as much as my first. Yet, when I held our second child, once again, overwhelming love came over me. I think I was experiencing what God does with His children—limitless love. Sometimes, I think some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned about how much God loves me, is when I see how much I love my children.

I think God uses babies to remind me of His love. Have you ever noticed how a happy, smiling baby can effect others? They seem to bring joy and laughter into each social occasion they are in, be it a funeral, a wedding, or a family gathering. Babies comfort.

My granddaughter was born 11 months after my son died. She brought and still brings immense comfort to me and my family. From the beginning, she would snuggle into me when I would rock her. As she grew older, she would pat my back, as I patted hers. I sensed God’s presence when I was holding her, as if she could hear Him whisper in her ear, “Be kind to your Nana, she needs special love right now.”

Babies remind me that there is a God, and He creates and designs life. Each baby is a miracle, an absolute miracle. There is a verse in the Bible that says, “…You have knitted me in my mother’s womb…. I am fearfully and wonderfully made….” Psalm 139: 13, 14. I love the visual image this presents of God, crafting each child, putting into each child the things He wants them to have—not just their physical attributes, but their special talents and gifts.

Babies also bring—ok, I’m going to go there—guilt. This could be the reason I did not initially want to be a mom. I knew instinctively that I would fail and feel guilty. I wanted to avoid those feelings. I wanted to avoid these thoughts and questions: Am I doing enough? Should I go back to work? Should I stay at home? Should I nurse, or bottle-feed? Should we homeschool or send our children to private school or public school? How should we discipline? Etc., etc., etc.

The decisions are countless, and unending. The practical decisions frame the moral decisions of choosing to pay attention to each child, being consistent , choosing to follow through on an assignment or a consequence, remaining patient and kind, acting out love in all the ways that are significant to that child.

Here’s the thing– I have failed many times as a mother. I have failed in what I have done, and what I haven’t done, in what I have said and what I haven’t said, in what I have thought and what I haven’t thought.

Here’s the good news–Jesus has died for all the ways I have failed. Jesus has died for all the ways you have failed. He gives us Forgiveness. He gives us the courage to begin again.

Jesus has given us His Word to guide us in raising our children. The Bible is full of wisdom, (All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 2 Timothy 3:16).

God loves our babies more than we do. He loves us, more than anyone else does. Maybe that’s why we love babies so much, because babies remind us of who God is: The Creator, the Designer, the Giver of every good gift, the Giver of Forgiveness, the Giver of Love, and the Giver of the Gift of Babies!!

So be Encouraged!!

Angels In My Garden

Published on June 22, 2021 by katiesencouragementforyouLeave a comment

I thought you’d like to see some pictures of some of the flowers blooming in my garden. They bring a smile to me, and I’m hoping they will to you as well.

I also shared in my blog, “Gardening Awaits“, that I went around our yard, looking at all the work that awaited me, and wondering how it was all going to get done. I started praying asking God for Help!! What I said was that I was wondering if He could send some angels to help me get the vegetable beds ready for planting. Well, not too long after this, my husband hired someone to dig a ditch with his small backhoe to help us with some drainage issues. While watching this happen, I asked my husband, “Do you think we could ask him to use the backhoe to turn over dirt in the vegetable patches?” My husband said, “Sure, we could do that.” This young man did turn over the dirt—helping to prepare the beds, and shortly afterwards, I was able to plant my vegetable garden.

Thank you to this young man, and my husband for helping to make this happen. God did send some angels—after all! 🙂

Hope this encourages you!!

Happy Mother’s Day–Mom!

Published on May 9, 2020May 9, 2020 by katiesencouragementforyou12 Comments

This Mother’s Day, I would like to pay homage to my mother. My mom is a beautiful Irish-looking girl. Her parents were very young when they married—17 years old. My mother was their second child and daughter, (they eventually had 4 children, 3 girls and 1 boy.) She was born in 1938, not long before World War II started. Her father left to go serve in the military, and she, her sister and mother lived with her father’s parents.

My mother says that those early years of living with her grandparents shaped the kind of person she wanted to be when she grew up. Her grandmother was very hard working and cheerful. She had a baking day, and a laundry day, and a cleaning day. They lived on a large farm and had field hands that had to be fed. Her grandmother cooked massive meals for them.

My mother wanted to be just like her grandmother, cheerful, hardworking, baking and cooking for a crowd.

She got her wish. She married my father, and they proceeded to have 6 children. My mother was cheerful, hardworking, and she cooked and baked like she was feeding farmhands, which is probably not far from how we ate.

In so many ways, my mother was the consummate homemaker, mother, wife, hostess and just plan—wonderful person. She has persevered through life with a smile. She has known the loss of many loved ones, including her husband and her grandchild, (my son), her niece and nephew, two of her siblings, her parents, grandparents, many loved friends and extended family. Almost everyone in the picture below has entered into eternity, including the little boy –my Aunt Gaye’s son. My mother stood by her sister’s side, as my Aunt Gaye lost her husband, son and daughter within a six month period of time.

My mother has shown me the wisdom of just doing the next right thing that there is to do. She has shown me what it looks like to depend on God, in times of weakness.

My mother is a person of great faith. She has an awe of the Almighty and a humbleness that displays that she knows who she is, because she knows who He is.

She is also a little dynamo!! Her energy never seems to flag, and her smile is a constant garment she wears.

She has graced her family and friends with that joy for more than 81 years.

So, Mom—This Mother’s Day—I want to wish you a Joy Filled Day!! I love you Mom!!

Stumbling into the calling of being a mother.

Published on May 8, 2020May 8, 2020 by katiesencouragementforyou5 Comments

I would like to share something written by Dale Hanson Bourke on the subject of being a mom:

I first heard this story after having had my fourth child and my first girl, when two of my friends threw me a baby shower, and this story was read at the shower. I can see almost everyone who came that evening to celebrate the arrival of my first daughter, among them my friend Becky Crain, who would die within the year. Each of the women in that room were moms. When this story was read, almost all of us were in tears.

Dale expresses the love and sacrifice of being a Mom so eloquently, but in the last line of this story, she talks about stumbling into the calling of being a mom. I love that idea— as we often don’t know what we are doing when we become moms.

Sometimes, I think that the reason it takes 18 plus years to raise a human, versus the two years it takes to raise a bear, is because God is giving us time to figure it all out—to know how to love, train, guide, and coach this little human into a big human who can then do the same for the next generation. So, I pray that this is a Happy, Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms out there—-thank you!!

On Being A Mom — From Everyday Miracles by Dale Hanson Bourke

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of “Starting a Family.”

“We’re taking a survey,” she says half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?”

“It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. “I know, ” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations.” But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, “What if that had been MY child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. No more thinking just of yourself. That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that men’s room. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shining stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real is actually hurts.

My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter’s hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Happy Mother’s Day—Mom!!

“God is with us through it all.” Becki Crain

Published on March 30, 2020January 30, 2021 by katiesencouragementforyou6 Comments

20 years ago, in March of 2000, my friend Becki Crain died.

I met Becki in 1992. We were in a mom’s bible study, that had 5 women in it. We all brought our children to the study. At the time, I just had one child, and Becki had 2. Eight years later, I would have 4 children, and Becki –5 children.

As time went on—Becki and I became close friends. We shared our lives with each other. We prayed together. We encouraged each other in our faith. We were both stay at home moms, and we were trusting God to take care of our families financially and in every way. Becki used to be a teacher and she taught me how to teach my oldest son how to read. We started our homeschooling journey together.

Becki and I laughed together. At the end of her life, we were still laughing together. If she were still alive during this time, I guarantee, we would be laughing together.

I learned so much from Becki. She believed that God’s word was truer than how she felt, truer than anything. She believed in God’s love and goodness, even when her life was being taken from her.

She found out she had cancer when she was 5 months pregnant. The doctors wanted her to start on chemotherapy while she was pregnant, but Becki didn’t think they had enough research –and she wouldn’t risk the baby’s health.

She died 5 months after her baby was born. She went over to Germany when her baby was 3 ½ months old for experimental treatments. They did not work. She flew back home, saw her baby again, and her family and friends. I saw her again, and within 24 hours, she was gone.

During the time of her cancer, I got to see the Body of Christ at work in a way I never had before. I was in a mom’s bible study and the women in it helped me with bringing meals to Becki and her family, and cleaning her house. Becki was not in this Bible Study and these women did not know her.

These women helped me raise money for Becki’s medical expenses, by having a huge garage sale. The local Christian radio station let us advertise the sale on their radio program. Hundreds of people donated things to sell at the garage sale. Hundreds more came to the sale.

My local church allowed us to have the sale at the church. This was not Becki’s church. But I learned—that “We” are all the church. The church is not a building.

People who did not know Becki sent money. I saw so many, many, many people show their love and care.

This outpouring of love, helped me so much when God took Becki home.

God is love. God is love. I got to see this love working through His people. I literally got to see God’s love.

Becki is seeing that love, and feeling that love, all the time now. Becki was the one who told me when she was fighting cancer, “When you face the thing you fear the most, you realize you have nothing to fear, for God is with you through it all.”

When my son died, I remembered her words, and I thought of how true they were. God was with me through it all.

As we go through this time in our world history, I want us to remember those words. They are true words—and we can cling to them.

Perhaps, you know someone who has this virus. Perhaps you are grieving someone who has died of this virus. Perhaps you have this virus.

You do not have to fear — God is with us through it all. God is love. He cares for you. Death cannot separate us from His love. Nothing can separate us from His love.

So Be Encouraged!!

Word!!

Published on March 5, 2020April 23, 2020 by katiesencouragementforyou3 Comments

Words are powerful!!

My sons used to say, “Word!!”, when they agreed with me, (or agreed with anyone), and wanted me to know it. They would do a fist bump and a little dance when they said “Word” as well. I can still see them, thinking they were so hip, and it cracks me up. However, I don’t think it was an accident that they used the word, “Word”.

Words are powerful.

My Aunt wrote on the inside of the cover to a book she gave me when I was 9—”to the girl with the Miss America smile”—and I imagined myself the recipient of the Miss America Title. I still have that book. I still smile at the words my Aunt wrote.

My mother told me what a nice job I did scouring the kitchen sink, and I never failed to do it when it was my turn to do the dishes, hoping for that praise again. (My mother did not disappoint – she frequently praised me for this and other things. 🙂 )

Words are powerful, life-giving things.

God “spoke” the world into existence. In John it says, The Word is God, The Word was God and the Word has come and dwelt among us. What power!! What life!!

Words have power. Words are life-giving.

We take great care in naming our babies—finding names with beauty, with meaning, with quality, with character—to provide our children with the same things. We want them to have lives with meaning, quality and character—and beauty.

On the flip side, Words have power in a negative way. I can still remember some of the mean things’ others have said to me over the years. I bet you can as well. Words can tear at our souls. Words can even tear out our souls.

Words are powerful things.

As a Mom, words have more power than we know. Our words carry more weight than we know. How do I know this? I have a Mom. Think of all the things your mom has said to you over the years, the encouraging things, and the not so encouraging things—maybe even things that were said in passing – that hurt and stung—that she may not have known her words hurt you—but because she is your mom, and you want her approval—they did hurt, they may still hurt.

I have hurt my children with my words—times I know I hurt them, and probably many more times, I am unaware I hurt them.

A few years ago, one of my children brought up an incident that happened years before, when I had said something in frustration and anger. I had apologized after the incident, but my words were still hurting my child. I apologized again, and we hugged and cried and hopefully some healing took place.

Words are powerful, life-giving things or powerful, demolishing things.

I write this, realizing that I need to be active in using words to encourage my children. I need to look for things to encourage them about with sincerity and honesty.

I also need to be mindful of what I am saying. Because I am a parent, my words have weight. I need to be careful when I speak. Even years after, I have spoken, my words can cause damage, or they can bring life.

Words are powerful, life-giving things!!

You are a mom!! Your words matter!! You matter!! Your children matter!! Your husband matters!!

The Giver of Life, The Giver of Words wants to empower us to speak life-giving words. He wants to bring healing to our lives, and our children’s lives. He wants to bring forgiveness. All we need to do is say the word, “Yes”!! Or in the case of my boys, that word would be, “Word”!!

So Be Encouraged!!