4 thoughts on “Home

  1. Katie my dear historical friend… I cry when I read about the day your son Sean was hurt, and then God took him into his arms. By the time I’m done reading that heartbreaking story, yet the calm you moved with, I have more faith, a stronger pull to want to trust God without any doubt! When my dear sister attempted suicide 4 years ago at my home in Boyne—I was so anger with God!! And so angry about her circumstances at the time… You known my youngest sister, that beautiful woman, Christian, home schooled her 3 beautiful kiddos until high school, but life was too much for her no matter what I did. Plus I was so angry at myself! I thought, my God how can I be a psychologist and this happen? (That’s odd an awful selfish pride.) But as I sat in the ER, two dialysis machines being hooked up (she drank anti-freeze), the nephrologists looked at me and said, “We have never treated an anti-freeze overdose.” He was on the phone with the CDC, they were baffled, it took awhile to research an antidote, which is just not even stocked at ERs. I felt the worst panic. Then I had the oddest thought, our grandpa at the farm in Laingsburg always was so strict about NEVER touching the ant-freeze when young. Anti-freeze at the time was real sweet tasting but very harmful. (Now anti-freeze has a horrible taste.) And then I just felt lost and alone. Sadly our family has had too many problems, my one source of strength, my wonderful dad, had been gone for 12 years. But I just started talking to him, my dad. Then I could hear him saying it will be ok, it will be all right. It calmed me for the moment. But I’m so stubborn, I wanted a guarantee my baby sister was going to be ok. The same sister I grew up protecting from all harm! I stepped in front or between many physical harms my whole childhood to protect her. And NOW anti-freeze was going to do what? Leave her blind, damaged kidney’s, and possible death? The priest would come in, I kinda laugh now, he would pray over my sister, and I’d try to be in the spirit, he thought she was Catholic because I was, not knowing I was a convert but grew up in the 1st Congregational church, and my sister was a Protestant. 😂 On the 3rd night in ICU with her, I never went home, I just couldn’t leave her, I started to sob. I truly had to admit to myself, I believe in God, I firmly believe Christ suffered and does suffer all my sins so I can live in self-forgiveness, I hands-down believe in the Holy Spirit, but I didn’t TRUST God. Also I realized and had to admit, that I was so afraid that some family members would blame me for what happened, and they did. Again that very odd selfish concern, I had failed big time! When I read about your experience, that God carried you, wrapped you in calm, a calm strength, I remind myself, I never was really protecting and carrying my sister for her 52 years at the time, but God was carrying her, protecting her. And I am reminded each time I read your writings, that trusting God is what it is all about. I love you so much Katie! Ever picture I see of your son, Sean, I just see that pure energy in motion! A charisma that just poured into the world and hearts of anyone around him. Peace be with you and keep writing!

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