Category: Becky Crain

Stumbling into the calling of being a mother.

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou4 Comments

I would like to share something written by Dale Hanson Bourke on the subject of being a mom:

I first heard this story after having had my fourth child and my first girl, when two of my friends threw me a baby shower, and this story was read at the shower.    I can see almost everyone who came that evening to celebrate the arrival of my first daughter, among them my friend Becky Crain, who would die within the year.  Each of the women in that room were moms.  When this story was read, almost all of us were in tears. 

Dale expresses the love and sacrifice of being a Mom so eloquently, but in the last line of this story, she talks about stumbling into the calling of being a mom.  I love that idea— as we often don’t know what we are doing when we become moms.

On Being A Mom — From Everyday Miracles by Dale Hanson Bourke

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of “Starting a Family.”  

“We’re taking a survey,” she says half-joking.  “Do you think I should have a baby?” 

 “It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.  “I know, ” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations.”  But that is not what I meant at all. 

 I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.  I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.  I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. 

 I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, “What if that had been MY child?”  That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.  That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.  

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.  No more thinking just of yourself.  That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation. 

 I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.  She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell.  She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. 

 I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine.  That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma.  That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that men’s room.  However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

  Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.  That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.  That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

  I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shining stretch marks will become badges of honor. 

 My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks.  I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.  I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. 

 I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. 

 I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.  I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.  I want her to taste the joy that is so real is actually hurts. 

 My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.  “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say.  Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter’s hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Happy Mother’s Day—Mom!!

My Ode To Michelle Beckman

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou12 Comments

Six years ago, a dear friend of mine died and I wrote a piece in her honor, called, “ My Ode To Michelle Beckman.”  I would like to share that piece with you, but before I do, I want to tell you that I learned something about suffering from Michelle.  I learned that many times– people who are suffering, can enter into others’ suffering and help them.  When our son died, I allowed Michelle to enter into my suffering, because she had cancer, and she was suffering herself.  I knew she understood suffering.

I have also found that because of my suffering, others would share their stories of suffering with me.  They trusted me, they took off their masks and let me see their suffering.

Scripture talks about that if one of us in the body is hurting, others in the body share in that suffering, (I Cor. 12:26).  Honestly, before the death of my son, I have tried to avoid suffering, and so avoided sharing in the suffering of others.

The times where God has allowed me to join in another’s suffering, have been times where I was most aware of God’s presence, love and strength.  I know that these are actually great gifts from God, and have revealed the Lord more fully in my eyes.  Michelle was one of the people God used to teach me these things.  So without further ado: 

My Ode to Michelle Beckman

August 11, 2016

Dear Family & Friends,

     My friend Michelle Beckman stepped into eternity yesterday.  She walked past that line that has many of us wondering what she found.  I’ve read the posts on her wall, each one was a testimony to her love for God and love for others.  They were each an encouragement to me, as I face the future without her friendship.   

      I met Michelle in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  She was finishing up her degree in teaching at Marquette University.  She became a christian her freshman year in college when another college student named Mary Kay shared with her how she could have a relationship with God.   Michelle never got over the wonder that the Creator of the Universe wanted  her so much that He left all the glory of heaven, took on the limits of human flesh, suffered and died for her.   Her God was an intensely personal, loving, consuming God.  

      Michelle got involved with Cru, and was discipled by Margaret Yu for two years.  When Margaret left Milwaukee, I came as the Cru staff woman, and I met Michelle.

      Michelle and I had one semester  together before she left to do her student teaching.  Honestly, when we reconnected 3 years ago, I had very vague memories of her.  I knew that I knew her—but I didn’t remember many of the details.

      She told me that I had a sleepover party where we stayed up all night talking, and she told me the story of her relationship with her Dad.  I looked at her and asked, “Have you forgiven him?”  She said this question sent her on a 10 year journey of asking herself that same question?  (I am now a parent of adult children—and believe me when I say—one could be the very best parent one could be, and there would be a need for a child to forgive a parent, just as there is a need for a parent to forgive a child.)

       When we reconnected, Michelle told me about her cancer.  I had lost a very good friend to cancer before this—my best friend in fact—and it was agony for me.  My heart was broken, my grief overwhelming.  I had also lost my dad.  I knew what it was to grieve—and I wasn’t so sure I wanted to get all that close to Michelle.  She would be hard to resist..  She asked great questions, she listened, she cared, she laughed, she had depth and spiritual discernment.  What more could you ask for from a friend?

       Two weeks after we reconnected, my son Sean was killed when he was out on a training bike ride.  He was hit by a car.

       Michelle ran to help me.  She entered into my suffering.  I don’t know how else to describe what she did.  She sent me a book that she heard about on a radio show.  She said the Holy Spirit told her to send me this book.  It was called, LAMENT FOR A SON,… It was a father’s journal that he wrote after losing his son in a mountain climbing accident.  One of the things that he said that resonated with me was, “If someone is worth loving than they are worth grieving.”

       She sent me a CD of worship songs.  We wrote back and forth to each other on a consistent basis.   

      She suffered with me.  I do not know how else to describe it.  She wasn’t afraid of suffering.  She did not avoid the pain.   

       This is quite amazing to me because I would have avoided the pain of her suffering, if not for my own.  And honestly, if she had not been suffering, I would not have let her enter into mine.  Other friends had tried to enter into my suffering, and share this pain, but my walls were high, my barriers strong.

       When scripture talks about sharing in Jesus’ suffering for the sake of His church, I think I finally know what that means.  I have experienced Michelle sharing in my suffering, and these last months of her life, I have been privileged to enter into her suffering.    

       One of Michelle’s greatest prayers, is that God’s people would be fully surrendered to our Lord.  I know that fear is what keeps me from surrendering.  Fear of pain, fear of suffering.   “When you face the thing you’ve always feared, you learn you have nothing to fear, for God is with you through it all.”  This is a direct quote of my friend, Becky Crain, when she found out she had stage 4 breast cancer when she was 5 months pregnant.  She entered into eternity when her baby was 4 months old.

    All my life I have tried to escape from pain and suffering.  God has used Michelle to show me how to face it, even embrace it.  Knowing her has helped me grieve for my son, and all the other losses in my life;  and oddly, it will even help me as I grieve for her.  Also, I have finally experienced the truth of what Becky was trying to tell me all those years ago.  “When you face the thing you’ve always feared, you learn you have nothing to fear, for God is with you through it all.”

May We Be Encouraged

Corrie Ten Boom

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou9 Comments

Corrie Ten Boom was a Dutch woman, who hid Jewish people during WWII.  I think she is one of the  most influential Christians who ever lived.  She has greatly impacted my life and millions of others’ lives.

Here’s the thing—I have a very good friend who is married to a relative of Corrie Ten Boom.  He is also Dutch.  When they lived in the Netherlands, she was shocked to find out that not many Dutch people she talked to, knew who Corrie Ten Boom was.  I was talking to another friend yesterday, who spent time in the Netherlands, and when I mentioned this—she said, “That’s true.  You can easily get in to see her home in the Netherlands, but you can’t get into Anne Frank’s home, the crowds are so great.”

I found this astounding!!  If I asked any of my peers, who are Christians, “Do you know who Corrie Ten Boom is?”  They would say, “Of course!”  I love her!  I love her writings!”   In fact, in the last letter that my friend Becki Crain wrote, she referenced Corrie Ten Boom.

Why is she not well known and revered in her own home country?  Well, Jesus said, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.”  In addition to this– perhaps Corrie Ten Boom’s message of forgiveness and love to our enemies , was a hard message to accept for Europeans who had just come through the ravages of war, and the evilness of war.

Corrie Ten Boom had this message tested herself, when after a speaking engagement– the Nazi officer who had beaten her sister and herself, came up to her, stuck out his hand and asked her for her forgiveness.  Corrie Ten Boom, saw her sister die in the Concentration Camp.  She was filled will hatred and anger towards this man—and—she said that she could not in her own strength extend and shake this man’s hand and forgive him; she found herself asking God for His strength and His power, and her hand was moved and she was speaking, telling this man she forgave him.  She says that was not done in her own power, but God was moving through her, forgiving through her, loving through her.

I too have experienced this supernatural power, after my son died.  I can’t explain getting through the ordeal then and now—except by His power, His grace, and His strength.

Corrie Ten Boom wrote the book, “The Hiding Place”, detailing the events of her life during WWII.  If you have not already read it, I pray that you will. 

Others who have gone before us and lived a life of faith during trials and temptations can help encourage us as we go through our own trials, our own temptations.  Right now, people are filled with anger and hatred toward each other.  I think Corrie Ten Boom’s message of love and forgiveness is very timely.  It is not a weak message.  It is not a roses and lollipop message.  It is God’s message to all of us, every day.  The reality of God’s love–sent Jesus to the cross for each of us, to save us.  It sent Corrie Ten Boom to the concentration camps, as she tried to save Jewish people.  It sent her on a pilgrimage around Europe after the war, proclaiming that sacrificial love—and living out that love in forgiving those who had done evil to her.

Corrie Ten Boom’s life was one of taking one step at a time, in trust and obedience to God.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to take the first step.  The first step is to be honest with God about our need for Him, our need for love and forgiveness—our need for His power to live out that love and forgiveness with each other.

Corrie Ten Boom is one of the Netherland’s national treasures, indeed her life is a treasure from God that He has shared with us—mostly because her life points to Him and what He has done for us!

May we be encouraged!!