Category: Marriage

My Perfect Day

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou6 Comments

When I was in High School, I ran track.  I ran the 400, which is a long-distance sprint.   In the first few races I ran, I would start out running as fast as I could, and quickly run out of steam.  It felt like my heart was going to pump out of my chest, and I was all out of breath.  In fact, sometimes, I was tempted to not finish the race at all.

Scripture tells us that living this life is like running a race.  I think that is a great visual picture.   Quite frankly, right now, I feel the same way I felt when I was in High School, like this race has taken everything I have and more, and I want to quit.

But, today—today I remembered my perfect day.  When I remembered it—I felt hope, and I thought—no—I am not going to quit.   I thought I would tell you all about my perfect day—so perhaps if you need encouragement in running your race, it might help you too.

My perfect day, was the day of my son’s wedding.   Let me tell you about this day.   My oldest son got married a little more than 2 months before my third son was killed.

The day of my son’s wedding arrived.  It was a beautiful day—it was warm and breezy, there were a few fluffy clouds in the sky.   The venue was breathtaking, with a view of water, and green, green flowing lawns.  The bridesmaids were dressed in aqua.  Our daughter-in-law was one of the most gorgeous brides, I have ever seen.  The music was so lovely, and meaningful and added to the emotions of the day.

This song was played during the wedding ceremony!!

There were candles and flowers, and exquisite food, and fairy-tale cakes.   All our children participated in the day as groomsmen, a bridesmaid and a flower girl. 

But the thing that made the day so, so amazing, was an answer to a prayer, I prayed.  I asked Jesus to be a guest at the wedding.   Jesus so clearly answered this prayer.

How do I know?  First, I experienced Jesus’ presence at the wedding.   There was this joy and laughter at the wedding—like I have never experienced before or since.  I was not the only person to sense this joy and laughter.  In fact, many, many of my friends and family told me at the wedding and after the wedding, that they had never enjoyed themselves at any wedding, quite as much as they did at this wedding.

I had only ½ glass of wine to toast the newly married couple at the wedding, and yet, many asked me if I might have had a bit too much bubbly to drink, as my behavior was overflowing with laughter and joy.

Yes—Jesus came to this wedding, and His presence was felt by so many—even though they did know why they were so unexplainably delighted.

When I think about how Jesus answered that prayer—I wonder if He wanted me to know how happy my child would be with Him—because He was giving me a taste of that happiness.  Perhaps, He wanted me to know, that although I am now waiting for Him to answer many, many prayers—that He does hear my prayers, and He has answered my prayers, and He will answer my prayers, someday—even if someday is a long, long time away.

Perhaps, you too, are waiting for your prayers to be answered, and you want to give up on your race in life.  May I encourage you with these words from scripture—

Hebrews 12: 1 and 2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.

Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.

Have you ever wondered what was the joy awaiting Jesus? I think I know.  We—the bride of Christ—are the joy awaiting Him.  He died to save us and make us His Own.

I think weddings are so special to Him, because they represent the wedding that is to come for us all.    And I must tell you—the joy we will all experience at that wedding will surpass all the joy that we all have ever experienced here on this earth.

He will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more pain, and we will have His presence and His love and His JOY!!

So, please, please, be encouraged with me!!!

Encouragement for Love

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou6 Comments

My husband and I have been married 30+ years.  We have survived having 5 children, losing 1 child, adding children and grandchildren to our family, losing parents, losing friends, losing family, financial droughts, financial windfalls, owning our own business for the past 25+ years– we have survived life.
As an older woman, I am instructed by scripture to encourage younger women to love their husbands and their children.  Since I love to encourage, and give advice, 🙂  I have complied a few pieces of advice for you, in your marriage.

  1. Spend time together on a regular and consistent basis.  My husband and I both have a need and desire to spend time alone with each other.  We both made this a priority.  When my husband would come home and say, “Let’s go out to dinner tonight?”, I would say, “Great!  I’ll see if Joan can watch the kids?”  (Joan is a made up name. :))   Joan could have been one of our neighborhood’s teenage girls, or one of the college students involved with Cru, or one of our friends that we were exchanging time with—by watching their children.   The point is, that we made time to be with each other, and we had a group of people we trusted to be with our kids to call on, when our kids were young.  We also made it a priority with our finances to spend money on our dates.  We didn’t have much money at times—so we would need to get creative—the point wasn’t the money spent—the point was the time spent.

Recently, my husband and I went on a date.  It was a dinner date.  I have been going through a really difficult time lately.  Over dinner, I got a chance to share my heart with my husband and tell him the things I was concerned about.  We made eye contact.  I saw the compassion in his eyes for me.  I saw his concern for me.  I heard his wisdom for me, as he leaned over the table, held my hand and told me to have faith, keep believing God, even when things look so dark.  Then he gave me his perspective—his hope.  Things did not seem so dark after that.  I had strength—the strength of knowing I was not facing these trials alone.   It was as if my husband took my hand, and then put my hand in God’s hand, and I was pulled up, and put on solid ground.
This is the benefit of finding time to be alone, to talk, to share one’s heart. 
This is the story from my perspective, but I know from my husband’s perspective, he also shares his concerns with me, and I listen to him, I respect him, I admire him.  These are deep needs my husband has, and I take care to meet these needs.
Some couples spend this time alone with each other, every day.   They tell the children—”this is mommy and daddy’s time.  Go play quietly in your rooms.” (They put the baby in a play pen with toys), and they spend 15-20 minutes alone talking.   We did not do this consistently—but I bring it up, as I know some families that did do this.

  1.  The other thing my husband and I have done, is we take a day or two every year to go away by ourselves.  Our children stay with trusted family or friends, and we go to a fun destination.   When we do this, I feel like a bride again, without the responsibilities of children.  (We still have children at home—so even now, I feel that freedom of being on our own.)

The last time we went away from home, we went to Frankenmuth, MI.  It is a town in Michigan founded by German immigrants in the 1800’s.  It is a little like going to a Bavarian village in Europe—and we loved it.  We strolled down the streets, hand in hand, admiring the flowers and the picturesque village.   Later, we had a picnic by the river—and we talked and kissed and connected.

  1.  Probably the most important thing we do as a couple in spending time with each other—is pray.  We pray everyday together.  Sometimes as we share a concern with each other, one of us will say, “Let’s pray.”  We will then start talking with our Lord, bringing our concerns to Him.  

When we were married, we had the verse from Ecclesiastes 4:9-13 read at our wedding,
 “Two are better than one, for they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.  Furthermore, if two lie down together, they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.  A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” 

The cord of three strands is God, and then each of us.
God is the reason, our marriage has survived.  God has given us His strength and we have taken it.  At times one of us will be stronger, and will take the other’s hand, and put it into God’s hand.  God pulls us up and puts us on solid ground.  He gives us His grace, love and faith—to keep walking in this life.  I don’t say that lightly.  I don’t say that tritely.  Life is very, very hard.   Hold unto each other, dear children—love each other!!  Forgive each other!!   Keep your hearts soft for each other.  I am pulling for you and praying for you!!
May You Be Encouraged!!

Wedded Bliss?

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou11 Comments

This is a picture of my husband and I after we had been married for 2 weeks.  Don’t we look young and lovely? We were at a party being held in our honor by my husband’s parents. I must tell you that when this picture was being taken, I was wondering if I had made a mistake.  I was angry with my husband, and he was probably angry with me.   Why do I share this story?

To give hope, to give encouragement, to give courage.  And to give voice to the lie, that everyone else’s lives are perfect, everyone else is experiencing love and commitment, everyone else is happy.  This is a lie. 

My husband and I are celebrating 32 years of marriage.  Many times, we are challenged to love each other, forgive each other, and stay committed to each other.  Many times, we experience joy and fun and love in abundance.  We are human beings—and thus we are broken.

There is a song, called Broken Together by Casting Crowns, that speaks to the truth of this.

If you look under the song at the comments, you will read so many stories of hope, and encouragement, as well as so many people asking for prayer.  

These are the words to this song:

What do you think about when you look at me

 I know we’re not the fairytale you dreamed we’d be

 You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand

 And we dove into a mystery

How I wish we could go back to simpler times

 Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light

Now on this hallowed ground, we’ve drawn the battle lines

 Will we make it through the night

It’s going to take much more than promises this time

 Only God can change our minds

 Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete

 Could we just be broken together

If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine

 Could healing still be spoken and save us

 The only way we’ll last forever is broken together

 How it must have been so lonely by my side

 We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind

I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align

 And we won’t give up the fight

Please know that we are praying for you and your marriage, and we ask for you to pray for us in our marriage.  We are a broken people, and we need God’s grace and strength to love and forgive each other.  We need God’s grace and strength to love and forgive each other!!!

May we be encouraged!!

Happy Anniversary!!

Published on by katiesencouragementforyouLeave a comment

Today would have been my parent’s 64th wedding anniversary.  They were married in 1957, on February 16th.    My mom and dad knew each other, even though they went to different high schools and lived-in different towns.  They hung out at the “lake”.    My Dad was one of the famous, “Archer” boys– one of four boys, who were good in every sport, and movie star handsome, although, they had troubled backgrounds.  Their parents were divorced, (a rarity at that time), and their mom had remarried an abusive alcoholic.

My mom says that she dated a lot.  (She was a pretty, happy, laughing girl—she still is—and boys swarmed around her like bees swarm around honey.)  She would tell her beaus that she wanted to have 12 children someday, and my dad was the only one who seemed to think that was a good idea.

My parents were a team, and their mission was to raise godly children.  They ended up having a family of six children, 4 girls and 2 boys.   I have memories of so many family activities:  camping, swimming, sledding, skating, horseback riding, (we had a pony for a while, but no one could ride it without my dad there—as it was a really mean pony.)   We had a garden that we all worked in at one point or another, and we all had chores to do around the house.  My Dad would check our room cleaning every Saturday morning, and he had pretty high standards.

After Roe vs. Wade, in the early 70’s, my parent’s mission included working to overturn Roe vs. Wade to grant the unborn the Right to Life.   My Mom is still actively involved in this mission as was my Dad, until he died.

My parents were industrious, thrifty souls—remodeling the Victorian farmhouse that is still the family home.  They made sure the kids who needed braces, had them.   My Dad’s job as a State Trooper, paid for all the bills and mortgage.  My mom always had a part time job but I remember her being at home when we were little and then when we were all in school, she worked in the schools helping children learn to read.  Her job provided wonderful gifts at Christmas and great vacations, and probably a savings for my parents.  They worked together to keep a beautiful, clean, organized home.

They were married for 52 years before my Dad died of a stroke.  The last 5 years of my Dad’s life, my mom was his caretaker.  He had had a major stroke that left him without the ability to talk and use his right arm.  His walking was unsteady.  My mom took him to all his appointments, and never stopped trying to help him regain his abilities through music therapy and art therapy, and physical therapy.  Her older sister, (already a widow), moved in with my parents during this time to help my mom.  My Aunt was a nurse and was a great comfort and help to my mom during this time.

Mom and Dad’s 50th Wedding Anniversary with all their kids, and grand kids.

My parents were my example of what marriage and family looked like.  They were not perfect people, but they were persevering people.  They kept going.  They kept loving, even when they were angry; they kept forgiving, even when they found it difficult; they kept living, even when it would have been easier to give up.  They kept faith with each other, and with God.  They pulled together in the yoke that bound them together.  They were a team.

My Dad knew from his parents, what it looked like to not keep faith with each other, and he did not want that for himself and his family.  Sometimes, a negative example can be motivating.

I share all this because I want you to have hope.  Perhaps, you want to give up on your marriage.  Perhaps you need some hope.  Perhaps you do not believe in marriage at all, having too many examples of bad marriages.   My parent’s marriage is a beacon of hope for marriages.

  I have been married for 31 years, and I believe the fruit growing in my own marriage is part of the fruit my own parents bore from their marriage.    I pray my parent’s marriage encourages you as it has encouraged me. I also pray, my mom is encouraged as she sees the “fruit” of her life. Love you Mom!! xxxooo

If you are reading this…….

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou2 Comments

Young women, if you are reading this, it is because God has something to say to you about marriage and about loving your husband.

God wants you to experience oneness and love in your marriage, and yet He knows that you may not experience intimacy, and at times find it difficult– if not impossible– to truly love you husband.

Why?  Because you married a human being.  (Your husband also married a human being.)

Marriage will expose both of your humanness in a way that nothing else will.  It will expose the areas where God made you in His own image, and the areas where sin has been allowed to grow and rule.  It will expose your sinfulness and selfishness and your husband’s sinfulness and selfishness. (And if I am being perfectly honest–it is much easier for me to see my husband’s faults than it is for me to see my own, and vice versa.)

At times, you will wonder, “who is this person I married?”—he will seem such a stranger to you.

At times you will wonder, “who am I, and why am I acting this way? I seem such a stranger to myself”.

This is what I know, after being married for 31 years—it is God who has brought my husband and I to this point—I mean that in every way.  We have raised 5 children together and lost a son, we have experienced sorrow so terrible—it seemed we could not go on and joy so great, we rejoiced in our life; we have weathered many storms in life—and believe me when I say that every day, sometimes moment by moment, we choose to hang on to God.

So, if I could give you any advice, any advice—it is—hang on, hang on—to God and to each other.  Sometimes it will seem as if you are riding the rapids of life, and you are—so hang on!!  

When you don’t think you can hang on for one more minute–read 1 Corinthians 13, and ask God to show you how to love your husband.  Thank Him for loving you as He describes it in 1 Corinthians 13— and ask Him to fill you up with His love.

He will!!  And while we may, with our limited strength, be hanging onto God, please know that He is always holding onto us with His infinite strength, and He won’t let go!! So Be Encouraged!!

Happy 31st Anniversary to us!!

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou4 Comments

Love –God’s Gift

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Tomorrow is my husband and my 30th wedding anniversary.  I remember the first time I saw my husband.  We were both on staff with Cru, (a Christian ministry), working with college students in Wisconsin.  The Wisconsin Staff were taking college students down to Florida for a conference being held over Spring Break and we were riding on Greyhound Buses.  My roommate pointed out the new staff guy in Wisconsin from our bus window.  Rich was standing out in the parking lot talking to some other staff.  He was tall, athletic looking, with dark curly hair, and I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen.  I was not looking so lovely, in my sweats, with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, and my thick round glasses on.  (I had decided to forgo my contacts and attractive clothes for comfort.  I was not looking for a husband or a boyfriend, finally happy with my single status at the ripe young age of 27.)

Rich ended up riding on our bus, and sitting in the seat right next to me, (I’m still not sure how that happened).  We talked for the entire 24-hour trip.  We had so much in common; we shared about our families, our college experiences, friends we had in common.  One of the weirdest things that we discussed is that when I graduated from college, I got a job in Columbus, OH.  Rich was finishing his degree at Ohio State University.  We went to the same church for a while, had many of the same friends, babysat for the same family, remember being at certain places at the same time—and we never once met each other or remember seeing or even hearing about each other.  It’s as if God blinded our eyes to one another.  It was not time yet for us to meet.

I remember thinking after that bus trip, “this guy is going to be one of my best friends”.  I felt so comfortable with him, like I had come home.  Rich told me later, that he knew from that bus ride, that he was going to marry me.

Forward to the night before our wedding—I stayed up until 3 a.m. talking with my friend who was one of my bridesmaids, trying to decide if I was really going to go through with the wedding.  There was a storm outside, thunder and lighting and rain—weather truly suitable to the turmoil I was feeling inside.  Could I do this?  Could I really commit my life to this man?  The fear I was experiencing was palpable.  Finally, I went to sleep, and the next morning, I woke up to sunny skies and a feeling of absolute joy and peace exploding within my heart.  God was giving me reassurance that this man was for me, and He would be with me, every step of the way.

I realize now that the reason I was so fearful about making a commitment to one man for the rest of my life, was because I was terrified about letting one person see who I really was and seeing another person for who they were.  I was nervous about the soul intimacy of marriage.  Marriage is about becoming one with another person, which in my mind meant becoming vulnerable to that person, while that person became vulnerable to me.

I did not want to do this– to be vulnerable is to open oneself to being hurt.  I had been hurt in the past and was not eager to be hurt at that level again, at the same time I did not want to hurt Rich.

Before Rich and I got engaged, I prayed and asked God, “Do you want me to marry Rich?”  God answered me, “This man needs to be loved.”  I knew God was telling me that if I married Rich, I was not to hold anything back.

The Holy Spirit has been my faithful teacher.  Nudging me to apologize when I’ve been wrong.  Spurring me on to act out love—even when I do not feel love.  Giving me the courage to be vulnerable, and share who I really am, even when I am filled with fear.  Giving me the faith and patience to accept my husband, realizing it is God’s role to transform my husband in His timing, just as it is God’s role to transform me.

In addition to all these things, God has brought other brothers and sisters in Christ into our lives to help us along the way.  There are times in our lives that I don’t know how we would have endured without this help.  Particularly after our son, Sean died.

I must be honest and say that while at times the Body of Christ has been amazing, it has also been disappointing.   The Body is made up of people, and people—the people to whom we are married, or the people with whom we go to church are not perfect – not by a long shot.  (I include myself as part of the “People”).

Therefore, I have come to glory in what Jesus has done on the cross in dying for us amazing and many times broken people. 

Jesus’s death on the cross is the perfect expression of love.  He sees us for who we really are, and He loves us anyway.  He demonstrated that love by dying for us, so we could belong to Him, and be with Him, forever.

In the movie, “Sleepless in Seattle”, there is a scene where the woman in it describes a scene from another movie—a classic, called “An Affair to Remember:.  In, “An Affair to Remember”, the heroine is in an accident and is paralyzed, and the hero finds her, (after searching for her for a long time), and finds out she is paralyzed, and they embrace and he cries, “I wish it had been me, not you”.  (I always, always cry during this part, as it hits that part of me that recognizes true sacrificial unconditional love—the longing within each human heart.)

This is the love that God has for each of us.  He sees us for who we truly are and loves us unconditionally.  He loves us sacrificially.  So even when others disappoint, God does not.  (Sometimes, that does not “feel” like the truth – but it is the truth, even when it does not “feel” like it.  Our feelings can lie to us, but God and His love letter to us—The Bible—never lie).

It has helped me to remember how forgiven I am, when I need to forgive my husband.  Mostly, it helps to remember how loved I am.  I have been loved with an everlasting love.  You have been loved with an everlasting love.   This love will never fail.  This love will never, ever leave.  Hebrews 13:5

                      So Be Encouraged!!

Happy? Fulfilled? Satisfied?

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou4 Comments

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

God is the author of our stories.  It is He who has made us and crafted us to be who we are.  It is He who calls us into a relationship with Him.

It is He who fills the infinite void we have in our lives.  It is He who brings purpose and meaning to our lives.

Why am I writing these things?   Because I have been reading things recently that concern me.  I have been reading that if we, (women), don’t marry and have children when we are young, we may never marry or have children, and our lives will be empty and unfulfilled.  It is true that women are most fertile in their twenties—this is true, but that does not mean that having babies in our twenties or even having babies at all– is God’s plan for each of us.

  We, each have a different story, a different purpose.  Some of us will get married and have children, some of us will get married and not have children, some of us will not get married and not have children, some of us will parent children without a mate.  Some of us will get married young, and some later in life.  I know people who fit each of these scenarios.

 I think of Florence Nightingale (1820-1910) who started the profession of nursing.  God designed her to do this, He put a great desire in her life to be a nurse and to train others to nurse.  She was born into a wealthy British family and was expected to marry young and have children.  She received a marriage proposal from someone suitable to her family and also someone she cared for, but she turned him down.  She believed God had called her to nursing, and that God would fulfill her as she was obedient to His calling.   Her efforts in nursing and sanitation revolutionized nursing, elevating it to the honorable profession it is, and saving untold numbers of lives.

We don’t always know where God is going to call us.  Or what our lives will look like.  I was on staff with Cru, (a Christian missionary organization), when I met my husband to be.  He was also on staff with Cru.  We were both 27 when we met.  We married when we were 28.  I was a few weeks short of my 29th birthday.   I was 31 when we had our first child, 35 when we had our second child,  36 when we had our third child, 38 almost 39 when we had our fourth child and 46 when we had our 5th child. 

 God’s plan for me was not that I marry young—His plan was that I wait, marry later, have children in my thirties and one in my forties.  I love the story God is writing of my life!!

I have friends who married young and had their children when they were young. Their stories are amazing!!

I have friends who married for the first time in their fifties.  Their children and grandchildren have come from their husbands.   God is writing their stories, and their stories are amazing! 

I have friends who are still single.  Their stories are amazing!!

One thing I have discovered, is that no matter whether single or married, with or without children, God was and is showing me that only He can fill the infinite void in my life. 

The lie is that something else will fill that void – a husband will fill that void, or a child will fill that void, or a career will fill that void, or __________ (insert anything else) will fill that void.   God has shown me in every stage of life that nothing will fill that void except for Him.

That is why, whatever stage we are in, we can be content and filled with joy, because we have Him.

He is the author of our stories. He is the author and perfecter of our faith.  He is also the giver of good gifts.  The best gift He gives us, is Himself.

So, Be Encouraged!!

Love –God’s Gift

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou2 Comments

Tomorrow is my husband and my 30th wedding anniversary.  I remember the first time I saw my husband.  We were both on staff with Cru, (a Christian ministry), working with college students in Wisconsin.  The Wisconsin Staff were taking college students down to Florida for a conference being held over Spring Break and we were riding on Greyhound Buses.  My roommate pointed out the new staff guy in Wisconsin from our bus window.  Rich was standing out in the parking lot talking to some other staff.  He was tall, athletic looking, with dark curly hair, and I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen.  I was not looking so lovely, in my sweats, with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, and my thick round glasses on.  (I had decided to forgo my contacts and attractive clothes for comfort.  I was not looking for a husband or a boyfriend, finally happy with my single status at the ripe young age of 27.)

Rich ended up riding on our bus, and sitting in the seat right next to me, (I’m still not sure how that happened).  We talked for the entire 24-hour trip.  We had so much in common; we shared about our families, our college experiences, friends we had in common.  One of the weirdest things that we discussed is that when I graduated from college, I got a job in Columbus, OH.  Rich was finishing his degree at Ohio State University.  We went to the same church for a while, had many of the same friends, babysat for the same family, remember being at certain places at the same time—and we never once met each other or remember seeing or even hearing about each other.  It’s as if God blinded our eyes to one another.  It was not time yet for us to meet.

I remember thinking after that bus trip, “this guy is going to be one of my best friends”.  I felt so comfortable with him, like I had come home.  Rich told me later, that he knew from that bus ride, that he was going to marry me.

Forward to the night before our wedding—I stayed up until 3 a.m. talking with my friend who was one of my bridesmaids, trying to decide if I was really going to go through with the wedding.  There was a storm outside, thunder and lighting and rain—weather truly suitable to the turmoil I was feeling inside.  Could I do this?  Could I really commit my life to this man?  The fear I was experiencing was palpable.  Finally, I went to sleep, and the next morning, I woke up to sunny skies and a feeling of absolute joy and peace exploding within my heart.  God was giving me reassurance that this man was for me, and He would be with me, every step of the way.

I realize now that the reason I was so fearful about making a commitment to one man for the rest of my life, was because I was terrified about letting one person see who I really was and seeing another person for who they were.  I was nervous about the soul intimacy of marriage.  Marriage is about becoming one with another person, which in my mind meant becoming vulnerable to that person, while that person became vulnerable to me.

I did not want to do this– to be vulnerable is to open oneself to being hurt.  I had been hurt in the past and was not eager to be hurt at that level again, at the same time I did not want to hurt Rich.

Before Rich and I got engaged, I prayed and asked God, “Do you want me to marry Rich?”  God answered me, “This man needs to be loved.”  I knew God was telling me that if I married Rich, I was not to hold anything back.

The Holy Spirit has been my faithful teacher.  Nudging me to apologize when I’ve been wrong.  Spurring me on to act out love—even when I do not feel love.  Giving me the courage to be vulnerable, and share who I really am, even when I am filled with fear.  Giving me the faith and patience to accept my husband, realizing it is God’s role to transform my husband in His timing, just as it is God’s role to transform me.

In addition to all these things, God has brought other brothers and sisters in Christ into our lives to help us along the way.  There are times in our lives that I don’t know how we would have endured without this help.  Particularly after our son, Sean died.

I must be honest and say that while at times the Body of Christ has been amazing, it has also been disappointing.   The Body is made up of people, and people—the people to whom we are married, or the people with whom we go to church are not perfect – not by a long shot.  (I include myself as part of the “People”).

Therefore, I have come to glory in what Jesus has done on the cross in dying for us amazing and many times broken people. 

Jesus’s death on the cross is the perfect expression of love.  He sees us for who we really are, and He loves us anyway.  He demonstrated that love by dying for us, so we could belong to Him, and be with Him, forever.

In the movie, “Sleepless in Seattle”, there is a scene where the woman in it describes a scene from another movie—a classic, called “An Affair to Remember:.  In, “An Affair to Remember”, the heroine is in an accident and is paralyzed, and the hero finds her, (after searching for her for a long time), and finds out she is paralyzed, and they embrace and he cries, “I wish it had been me, not you”.  (I always, always cry during this part, as it hits that part of me that recognizes true sacrificial unconditional love—the longing within each human heart.)

This is the love that God has for each of us.  He sees us for who we truly are and loves us unconditionally.  He loves us sacrificially.  So even when others disappoint, God does not.  (Sometimes, that does not “feel” like the truth – but it is the truth, even when it does not “feel” like it.  Our feelings can lie to us, but God and His love letter to us—The Bible—never lie).

It has helped me to remember how forgiven I am, when I need to forgive my husband.  Mostly, it helps to remember how loved I am.  I have been loved with an everlasting love.  You have been loved with an everlasting love.   This love will never fail.  This love will never, ever leave.  Hebrews 13:5

                      So Be Encouraged!!