In this 12 minute video, Josh McDowell tells the story of growing up with his alcoholic father, and absolutely hating him. Watch and hear how God changed that hatred into love.
Month: August 2022
My Ode To Michelle Beckman
Six years ago, a dear friend of mine died and I wrote a piece in her honor, called, “ My Ode To Michelle Beckman.” I would like to share that piece with you, but before I do, I want to tell you that I learned something about suffering from Michelle. I learned that many times– people who are suffering, can enter into others’ suffering and help them. When our son died, I allowed Michelle to enter into my suffering, because she had cancer, and she was suffering herself. I knew she understood suffering.
I have also found that because of my suffering, others would share their stories of suffering with me. They trusted me, they took off their masks and let me see their suffering.
Scripture talks about that if one of us in the body is hurting, others in the body share in that suffering, (I Cor. 12:26). Honestly, before the death of my son, I have tried to avoid suffering, and so avoided sharing in the suffering of others.
The times where God has allowed me to join in another’s suffering, have been times where I was most aware of God’s presence, love and strength. I know that these are actually great gifts from God, and have revealed the Lord more fully in my eyes. Michelle was one of the people God used to teach me these things. So without further ado:
My Ode to Michelle Beckman
August 11, 2016
Dear Family & Friends,
My friend Michelle Beckman stepped into eternity yesterday. She walked past that line that has many of us wondering what she found. I’ve read the posts on her wall, each one was a testimony to her love for God and love for others. They were each an encouragement to me, as I face the future without her friendship.
I met Michelle in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She was finishing up her degree in teaching at Marquette University. She became a christian her freshman year in college when another college student named Mary Kay shared with her how she could have a relationship with God. Michelle never got over the wonder that the Creator of the Universe wanted her so much that He left all the glory of heaven, took on the limits of human flesh, suffered and died for her. Her God was an intensely personal, loving, consuming God.
Michelle got involved with Cru, and was discipled by Margaret Yu for two years. When Margaret left Milwaukee, I came as the Cru staff woman, and I met Michelle.
Michelle and I had one semester together before she left to do her student teaching. Honestly, when we reconnected 3 years ago, I had very vague memories of her. I knew that I knew her—but I didn’t remember many of the details.
She told me that I had a sleepover party where we stayed up all night talking, and she told me the story of her relationship with her Dad. I looked at her and asked, “Have you forgiven him?” She said this question sent her on a 10 year journey of asking herself that same question? (I am now a parent of adult children—and believe me when I say—one could be the very best parent one could be, and there would be a need for a child to forgive a parent, just as there is a need for a parent to forgive a child.)
When we reconnected, Michelle told me about her cancer. I had lost a very good friend to cancer before this—my best friend in fact—and it was agony for me. My heart was broken, my grief overwhelming. I had also lost my dad. I knew what it was to grieve—and I wasn’t so sure I wanted to get all that close to Michelle. She would be hard to resist.. She asked great questions, she listened, she cared, she laughed, she had depth and spiritual discernment. What more could you ask for from a friend?
Two weeks after we reconnected, my son Sean was killed when he was out on a training bike ride. He was hit by a car.
Michelle ran to help me. She entered into my suffering. I don’t know how else to describe what she did. She sent me a book that she heard about on a radio show. She said the Holy Spirit told her to send me this book. It was called, LAMENT FOR A SON,… It was a father’s journal that he wrote after losing his son in a mountain climbing accident. One of the things that he said that resonated with me was, “If someone is worth loving than they are worth grieving.”
She sent me a CD of worship songs. We wrote back and forth to each other on a consistent basis.
She suffered with me. I do not know how else to describe it. She wasn’t afraid of suffering. She did not avoid the pain.
This is quite amazing to me because I would have avoided the pain of her suffering, if not for my own. And honestly, if she had not been suffering, I would not have let her enter into mine. Other friends had tried to enter into my suffering, and share this pain, but my walls were high, my barriers strong.
When scripture talks about sharing in Jesus’ suffering for the sake of His church, I think I finally know what that means. I have experienced Michelle sharing in my suffering, and these last months of her life, I have been privileged to enter into her suffering.
One of Michelle’s greatest prayers, is that God’s people would be fully surrendered to our Lord. I know that fear is what keeps me from surrendering. Fear of pain, fear of suffering. “When you face the thing you’ve always feared, you learn you have nothing to fear, for God is with you through it all.” This is a direct quote of my friend, Becky Crain, when she found out she had stage 4 breast cancer when she was 5 months pregnant. She entered into eternity when her baby was 4 months old.
All my life I have tried to escape from pain and suffering. God has used Michelle to show me how to face it, even embrace it. Knowing her has helped me grieve for my son, and all the other losses in my life; and oddly, it will even help me as I grieve for her. Also, I have finally experienced the truth of what Becky was trying to tell me all those years ago. “When you face the thing you’ve always feared, you learn you have nothing to fear, for God is with you through it all.”
May We Be Encouraged
Remember The Rainbow
The Rainbow—-it can inspire hope, it can calm nerves after a storm—it is a literal sign from God.
When our son died 9 years ago this September, something was destroyed in our family. The age of innocence for us was gone. The worst evil had found us—the evil of death.
We will never be innocent of this evil again. It has been difficult to come through this time and find hope, and to trust God.
There is a song that perfectly expresses what I think God has been saying to me, and my family. It’s called: Just Be Held.
There is a line in it that goes, “Your world’s not falling apart, its falling into place. I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held.”
This year on my husband and my 33rd anniversary, we saw a beautiful rainbow. It came after a truly violent storm.
As I looked at that rainbow, I thought that God had a message for us in that rainbow. But I did not know what the message was. Then two days later, we found out that our son’s family was in great danger during a hike, but they survived and came back safely to us.
Then our two year old granddaughter came close to peril, but she too was found and brought back safely to us. In addition to all of this, one of our daughters almost drowned, but was saved by our other daughter.
During these times, I sensed the Holy Spirit saying to me, “Remember the rainbow.”
I do not know if in the future, one of my children or grandchildren or husband or myself, may be in peril—but I think “Remember the rainbow”, means that God does know—and He is in charge. He has not stopped being in charge—even when I’m frantic and anxious—He has not stopped being in charge, even when my loved ones are in danger—He has not stopped being in charge—even when I can’t see around the next corner–and I don’t know what is going to happen next.
Remember the Rainbow means that everything that comes into our life, has to come through God’s Hand of love. It may not seem to be a loving thing; it may be something that shakes the foundations of our world—but it can not separate us from His love. We can never be separated from His love. Not even, by death. Especially not by death.
Remember the rainbow, means God’s on His throne—and I can stop trying to control everything, —I can stop holding on so tightly to everything and everyone, and just be held.
So–Remember the Rainbow and Be Encouraged!!
Will The Circle Be UnBroken?
There are times in my life, where I’d like to freeze time—there is so much joy, so much laughter, so much love. Then there are times of unbearable pain and sadness. Much of time however, is filled with routine, with tasks to be performed, and with service to others.
At any given moment, time is like a snapshot, and whatever one is focused on for that picture, will correspondingly bring thoughts like, “I love life!!” or “This is the pits!!”
There is one thought that helps me endure when I think I can’t endure one more second–and that is the thought that this “Time” is not all there is. The pain will end someday, but the joy of life, the love of life, the meaning of life—that has no end. That will continue beyond this “Time”.
I am very, very glad that God has limited “Time” for each of us. Most people do not live beyond the age of 80, some live to 100 years of age, very, very few live beyond that age. I know that the pain of losing others on this earth and missing others—makes me eager to rejoin them in heaven. Yet, I also want to stay on earth as long as God wants me to stay—-for the sake of the loved ones that are still here—to be a part of their lives, to love them, to serve them.
“Will the Circle be unbroken”, is a song that expresses the thought of being reunited with our loved ones in heaven.
My husband asked for this song to be sung at our son’s funeral. I am sharing a really old version of the song–but I really love it–however we had the following verses sung at Sean’s funeral–not the ones in the song I am sharing.
Will The Circle Be Unbroken
There are loved ones in the glory,
Whose dear forms you often miss;
When you close your earthly story,
Will you join them in their bliss?
Chorus:
Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by?
There’s a better home awaiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky.
In the joyous days of childhood,
Oft they told of wondrous love,
Pointed to the dying Saviour;
Now they dwell with Him above.
Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by?
There’s a better home awaiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky.
You remember songs of heaven
Which you sang with childish voice,
Do you love the hymns they taught you,
Or are songs of earth your choice?
Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by?
There’s a better home awaiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky.
You can picture happy gath’rings
‘Round the fireside long ago,
And you think of tearful partings,
When they left you here below.
Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by?
Is a better home awaiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky?
One by one their seats were emptied,
And one by one they went away;
Now the family is parted,
Will it be complete one day?
Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by?
There’s a better home awaiting
In the sky, in the sky?
Johnny Cash, Nitty Gritty Band and others singing–
Will the Circle Be Unbroken
May We Be Encouraged!!
Encouragement for you!! 