Tag: Remembering

Lessons in Mommy Land

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou11 Comments

Let me set the scene.  My oldest and only child at that time was 3 years old.  I was pregnant with my second child.  Since I had quit my job when this child was 2 months old, we had seldom been separated.  I was one of those moms who had to be “encouraged” to leave her child in the nursery during church services. If I needed to go work out, or go to any evening meetings, my husband was with my son.

My son had a terrible case of separation anxiety, because I was rarely out of his sight.

My mother-in-law came for a week long visit and wanted to go shopping for the day. My husband and I decided to ask a family from church, who had a 12 year old son, if they could watch our son for the day.  We would pay the 12 year old, but the mom would be supervising both boys.

I was nervous all day long.  Was my son getting upset, was he missing me? (This was before the days of the cell phone, so I had no way of finding out.) When the long day of shopping finally ended, and we went to pick up my son, I thought he would throw himself into my arms and hug me in relief that I had finally come.

My son took one look at me coming through the door and said, “No, go away!!”  Then he turned away from me.   This was the last thing I had expected.  

Apparently such a great time of playing was happening, my son did not want it to end.  My arrival meant the end to all the fun.

This was my first lesson of letting go with my children.  This was my first lesson in realizing that my value and significance didn’t rest in and upon my children, or in me, “being a good mom.”

I’ve had many, many lessons over the past 34 years of being a mom.  The biggest lesson I have learned is that my children aren’t my God, and I am not theirs.

What do I mean by this?  I mean that my children have been given their lives by God, and they answer to Him for the decisions they make as adults, not to me.  Conversely, I have been given my life by God, and I answer to God for my decisions, not to my children.

I cannot fill their lives, and they cannot fill mine.  God is the only One who can fill our lives.

What does this mean in practical terms?  It means when my adult children are making decisions I disagree with, and they have not asked for my opinion or advice, I keep my mouth shut.  If they are asking me to help them out, then I talk about the situation with my husband, and we talk about the situation with the Lord.   Sometimes we help them, and sometimes we don’t, depending on how the Lord directs through His Word, counsel and Spirit.   

It has been incredibly freeing to let God be God, and realize that I am not God, and my children, husband, friends and family are not my God.  They cannot fill me anymore than I can fill them.   This realization has set me free to love others unconditionally.  Perhaps that is what God means when He says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10   There is peace and rest, in letting God be God.

May We Be Encouraged!!

Reaching Out

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou11 Comments

Have you ever wanted someone to suffer for the wrongs they did to you or to the ones you love?  If so, maybe you’ll like this next story of mine.

I wrote a blog about my fast, and how it was very uncomfortable spiritually and physically.   One of the things that made it very uncomfortable was that I kept remembering hurtful things that had been said and done to me and mine.  I know that God kept bringing these things to mind, so that I would forgive from the heart these offenses, but actually what it resulted in was several conversations with the Lord, where I told him how mad I was about what had happened. To me, it looked like these people got away scot free—with no actual consequences for their actions. It seemed wrong that they should not be disciplined for their actions.   I mean–I reasoned with the Lord–every good parent disciplines their children–why were these children escaping discipline?

I know what you’re thinking–”who am I to question the Lord?”  And in one way, you’re absolutely right—who am I to question the Lord?   In another way—God is teaching me to be totally honest with Him—and so I have been—even when it seems presumptuous. I mean, who do I think I’m fooling, God knows what I’m thinking anyway.

Weeks after questioning the Lord, I got an answer.  I was remembering how when my children were younger, they would often question my husband and I.  

“Why did you let my sister do that?  We would never have gotten away with that.  We would have been disciplined.” or we would hear, “My brother did this to me, and you didn’t do anything to him. He didn’t even tell me that he was sorry.”

To which we would respond:  “You don’t see the whole picture.  We did talk with your sister.  She did receive consequences—it’s just not your business to know them.” or we would respond, “We are so sad that your brother hurt you, and that he did not ask for your forgiveness. He was given consequences, but we can’t make him ask for your forgiveness, anymore than we can ‘make’ you forgive him.” (When our children were really young we would have them face each other, tell the offended person that they were sorry, and the offended person would say, I forgive you—however there is a certain age where while a parent can suggest these actions—the child is old enough to choose to do the right or wrong thing, without compulsion.)

I drew in a deep breath after I remembered this—-it was if a ding went off in my brain.  As though the Lord, Himself were saying to me, “You don’t see the whole picture.  I did deal with this person, they did receive consequences—it’s just not your business to know them.” I also realized that God has given us free will, and He can’t make the other person ask for my forgiveness, anymore than He can make me forgive.

To which I responded:  “Forgive me Father, for doubting You and Your parenting skills, and please give me the power to forgive this person from my heart, even though they never asked for forgiveness from me. “

Then just today, I was driving along, and I remembered a time when I acted in a way that could have been hurtful to someone else.  In fact, it was a very similar situation in which I had been hurt and wronged by others.  

Again, I experienced the Lord’s presence.  I knew He gave me this memory to show me my own heart—a heart in need of Him and His forgiveness, and others’ forgiveness.

Perhaps you have your own questions to ask God, about hurts in your life– either hurts you’ve received, or hurts you’ve given.

Those are all valid questions to ask God.  Those are all really good things to talk about with Him. Perhaps the answer will come right away, or weeks later, or years later—but God is seeing.  God is listening—and He is big enough to handle any and all questions, even questions that seem angry or presumptuous.  That’s because He sees the emotion behind the anger–He sees our fear. He sees the real question–“Are You really with me? Scripture tells me You are always with me–so help me to see this situation as You saw it, and as You see it. Help me to know what You want me to know about this, and then tell me what You want me to do.”

He is our Dad.  He loves us.  He wants us to have a relationship with Him where the walls come down—and we are absolutely honest with Him and honest with ourselves.  Why?  Because then He can deal with the lies that we believe about Him, about others and about ourselves.

God wants to deal with those lies, as they are the things that stop us from really loving Him, from loving each other, and forgiving each other.  They are the lies that destroy us.  So let us go to our Abba and give Him our truth, so that we can receive His truth and His healing.

May We Be Encouraged!!

Lies and Fear

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou35 Comments

I’m going to tell some stories on myself—-I’m going to tell you about a few times in my life when I was believing lies, and when I was really afraid.  Why?  Maybe you can relate.  Either, you’ve also believed lies, or you have been really afraid—or maybe you are currently believing lies, and you are currently afraid.

The first story is about a time when I believed my value came from the externals versus the internals. For instance: my husband was building us a home, and I thought the home would look better with a hip roof, and a stucco exterior. 

 I said I wanted these things for resale value, but if I’m being honest with myself and with you all—a big part of my reason for wanting this was because I thought if my house looked better, others would value me more.  Honestly, this thinking pointed to lies I was believing—one that I felt I was lacking—so much so, that others needed an incentive to be my friend, two–that having lots of friends would bring me value, and three that when God said I had value, because He made me, forgave me, and loved me—I didn’t really believe Him, I believed the lies instead.

Because my husband loves me, he did build the home with a hip roof, but he could not find a sub contractor to do the stucco work, so it did not have a stucco exterior.  

The second story happened a couple years after the first story—-my husband had built a spec house after we built a home for ourselves, and we also had another house on the market and the economy was suddenly falling.  

We had 4 small children, we had massive debt, and we were afraid.  I was really afraid.  And I was still believing lies.   These were the lies—  “God, where are You, right now?   We are drowning!!  Are You going to save us?  Are You angry with us?  Have You left us?”

We did sell one of our homes. We put our custom home that had to have the hip roof, along with other wonderful unique features–on the market–and it sold before our spec home sold—so we ended up living in the spec house.

And what did I learn?   Yes—God did have us, but His ways were not my ways, His thoughts were not my thoughts—and my truth—was not necessarily—His truth.

What do I mean by that?   I thought if I had things—it meant I would be loved and I would be secure—-such a lie!!   The truth—I am loved, and you are loved–with an everlasting love.    This is also the truth–I am secure, as are you!  This is harder to believe when circumstances tell us differently—but scripture tells us–that we are in God’s Hands, and no one can snatch us out of His Hands.  John 10:27-29

 God’s way of taking care of my family—was different from the way I initially thought He should and would take care of us.   He had something way better for us than nice things—-He had Himself.   He did want us to live and have our needs met—-He has withheld no good thing from us.   But more than all the things—-He wanted us to have Him.  He wanted us to believe the truth.  He wanted us to be free from fear.

God has us, even when it seems we are free-falling.  He is holding onto us–and He won’t let us go.

May We Be Encouraged!!

Why do I celebrate Easter?

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou8 Comments

Ramadan and Lent started on the same day this year.  I have many friends who are Muslim, and I was excited to be fasting and praying during the same time that they were fasting and praying.  I would send them texts during this time—”It’s the 23rd day of fasting!  Yay!!”  I even invited myself over to one of my friend’s homes with some other friends—telling her not to fix us anything as we were fasting too–we just wanted to chat with her–but she made tea, and served little cakes.  Really the gift of hospitality is so precious and wonderfully practised by our friends.  Now their Ramadan is over with, but our Lent still continues–and in less than 2 weeks, we will celebrate Easter!!

I’ve written about our International Tea Group, and how we meet once a month, and ask a question for everyone to answer.  During one Tea time, during the month of December, quite a few years ago, one of our Muslim friends asked us to explain why Christmas was important to us?

So for this blog, I thought I’d answer,  “Why is Easter Important to me?”  (Actually when I was single, my roommate and I had a group of Muslim students over for Easter dinner—and they actually did ask us a similar question, they asked:  “Why do you celebrate Easter?”   The following is my answer:

I was raised going to church.  I am so grateful to my parents, who took us to church every Sunday, and prayed with us, and made sure we received education in the faith.  I had a sense that God loved me, but at the same time, God seemed a long, long way away from me.  And when I was doing things that I knew were wrong, I was really grateful that God seemed a long way away from me. In fact I was really hoping He would not notice what I was doing or thinking.

When I went away to college, I really broke away from my parents and their teaching and training.  I still went to church on Sunday, but I was just paying lip service to God.  I was doing many things that I knew in my heart were wrong.  

Then in March of my freshman year, my roommate, (who had been my best friend during my freshman year), told me that she now knew God personally and that her sins were forgiven.

I had gone away for the weekend to visit my parents, and when I came back–my roommate had become a Jesus freak.  And I was the one who was freaking out.  I was curt to my roommate, I tried to avoid her and inside I was thinking, “Who does she think she is—she isn’t perfect—and I’m the one who still goes to church every Sunday?”

However, at the same time I was thinking– “what’s wrong with me, that I am being so hateful to my roommate?”

Then, after a time of me being curt and angry with my roommate, she turned to me and said, “You know Katie, I’m not perfect, I’m just forgiven.”   It felt like an arrow pierced my heart.  How I longed for that—to know that I was forgiven.

When I went to bed I prayed to God.   “Lord, I want to know that I am forgiven by You.  I want to know You.  Thank You – Jesus dying on the cross to pay for the penalty of my sins.  Thank You for rising from the dead, and showing me through that –that someday I will rise from the dead too.  Please come into my life, forgive me, and make me a new person.”

I did experience God’s presence flooding my heart, and His love surrounding me, (although not everyone experiences this–and their decision of faith is just as valid as mine.)

I made this decision about a month before Easter.  When I went home to celebrate Easter and go to church with my family—church seemed different than it  ever had before.  It was as if the words were alive, and were actually feeding my soul.   God did not seem distant at all.  It seemed He was all around me.  His love was the realest thing in my life.

That’s why Easter is important to me.  Easter is when we celebrate Jesus–God incarnate– coming to earth, dying on the cross, and rising from the dead—all to bring the Kingdom of God–to earth.  All to bring God close to each of us.  All so that we could know God, know His love, and know His forgiveness.  

May the rest of Lent help prepare our Hearts so that we can all truly celebrate the miracle of the Resurrection!!  And May We Be Encouraged!!

Today is Gonna Be A Good Day!

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou24 Comments

When my daughter was 7,

she made me a sign, that says:

“Today is a Gonna be a Good day.” 

She made me this sign a year after I lost my son, Sean James.

I have that sign propped up on the table beside my bed.

“ TODAY is Gonna be a GOOD DAY!!” 

What a thought to open my eyes to, when some days I don’t want to open my eyes.

 During the winter months, when the dark, gray days permeate my spirit, I see this sign: 

“Today is Gonna be a Good day.” 

I find it a little easier to hang on through the winter.

 This week, the sun has been shining, and snow has been melting, and I am thinking about that sign:

“TODAY is Gonna be a GOOD DAY!!”

I can smell spring in the air—the birds are coming back.  The weather is warmer—not warm—but not freezing.

My spirits are rising.  Hope is in the air.  New Life is in the air.

“TODAY is gonna be a GOOD DAY!!”

I have the same problems.  My trials have not gone away.  But somehow, my burdens seem a little lighter.  It is easier to put those things I have no control over, in the Father’s Hands.  It is easier to put the things I think I have control over in the Father’s Hands.

Spring is coming!!  New life will overcome death and decay!! 

“TODAY is a GONNA BE a GOOD DAY!!”

“TODAY IS GONNA BE A GOOD DAY!!”

The Safest Place To Be

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou15 Comments

I started my “Encouragement from Katie” blogsite almost 7 years ago.  I have written some stories detailing  the times when I have relied on God’s strength and guidance in my parenting, and in my life.  However, there were times when I did not do this.  There were times I was angry, frustrated, fearful, or anxious and I acted out those emotions.  I remember a time when I expressed fear, and then anger, in the space of a heartbeat.

At the time, I was a mom with just 4 children, (I would have a fifth- 7 years later); their ages were: 8 years, 4 years, 3 years and 11 months old.  It was time for our church’s VBS and I was helping with it.  I dropped off my 11-month-old with a friend, who also had an 11-month old baby.  She watched our babies while I took the 3 older children to VBS.  At the end of VBS, I loaded up the children in our mini van and ran back in the church to grab something I had forgotten.  Then— I came back out to the van, got in and drove off.  I parked at my friend’s home and went in to get my baby.  I came back out and noticed that my four-year-old was not in the van.  I thought he had gotten out and was wandering around the neighborhood.  I started calling for him, yelling his name one minute, and crying his name in the next.

My friend’s husband looked at me in amazement—I seemed like a woman gone berserk—yelling, then crying, then yelling, then crying.    I was demanding that we call the police and the fire department.  He said, “Why don’t we call the church first, maybe he’s at the church?”   “No”, I snapped back, “I put him in the van, he must have gotten out at your house, and he’s wandering around the neighborhood.”  

“Well”, he said, “let’s just call the church first.”  Eventually, I agreed, and we called the church.  Yes, my child was at the church.  He had gotten out to use the bathroom, and I had not noticed when I got into the van.  Even now, when I remember that story, my heart starts pounding and the adrenaline starts rushing through my body at the terror I experienced when I thought my child was lost.

Why do I recount this story?  Because—this is what life is like isn’t it?  Life is going along, and then something that we don’t expect happens—and how do we react?  I don’t and haven’t always reacted well.  The first thing I thought of, in the situation I just recounted, wasn’t God; I did not call out to Him to save my child.  I tried to deal with the situation myself—and in relying on my own resources—I vacillated between terror and anger. 

Perhaps, you can relate.  Perhaps you too, try to deal with your life situations with your own resources, not turning to the Lord.

I have just recounted one story, yet, over the past 34 years of being a mother—my life is filled with many stories, many moments.  

I have seen that being a mother has taken everything I have and more.  It has brought out my worst self, and my best self.  Like most mothers—I would willingly lay down my life for my children—-yet get annoyed with them for the smallest of offenses. 

Fortunately, I have a Father who is the most patient of teachers, and He continues to give me lessons on how to love, until I learn.  He is the most consistent, faithful, love-motivated teacher there is.  His goal—to make me Holy, (whole), like Him.   I came to Him broken, and He—He is fixing me.  He is teaching me to love, like He loves.

It does not happen overnight, or in a month or in years—it takes a lifetime—it takes believing God and acting out what He shows me to do.   

Just recently, I had another incident where I reacted from emotion.  I thought I was beyond doing such things, but I am never beyond those things, because I will always need God.  Whenever I think, “I’ve got this.”  Life will throw me a curve-ball, and I will realize once again, “No I don’t have this, and God, please—HELP!! 

Being a mom, has taught me how amazing God’s grace truly is, as I am continually leaning into Him to just take the next step, when my strength has given out.  If that’s what you are learning as well—you are in a good place—you are in your Father’s hands—the safest place to be.

So Be Encouraged!!

A Song of Wisdom (The Passion Translation)

Poetic praise by King David

Psalms 37

3 Keep trusting in the Lord and do what is right in His eyes.

Fix your heart on the promises of God, and you will dwell in the land,

feasting on His faithfulness.

4 Find your delight  and true pleasure in Yahweh,

and He will give you what you desire the most.

5 Give  God the right to direct your life,

and as you trust Him along the way,

you’ll find He pulled it off perfectly!

**Photo is a picture my friend took of the Mediterranean Sea. I used it because it reminds me of the vastness of God, and power of God and the peace of God. He is our Rock.

“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.”  

I Thessalonians 4:13

What do you think about when you read that verse?  Do you wonder, “What is sexual sin, and why is this important to God?”

When I was a freshman in college, one of my friends invited me to a film showing on my floor, called, “Maximum Sex”.  The speaker was a man named Josh McDowell and he talked about the reasons to wait until marriage for sex.   Now, my parents had talked to me about this, but no one else did.

I remember staying up with my roommate and a few others, talking until 5 in the morning about what this man said.

These were some of the key things I took away from this talk:

God  wanted to protect me and provide for me.

*He wanted to protect my heart from being broken again. 

*He wanted to protect me from diseases. 

* He wanted to protect me from a pregnancy before I was ready and able to handle the responsibility of a child.

*He wanted to provide a husband I could trust. 

*He wanted to provide a husband who had character.

 * He wanted to provide a husband who would be a good father to our children and someone who would help me raise those children. 

* God wanted to provide true intimacy and oneness for me and my husband.

(In reading over what I just wrote, I am struck anew with the fact that—that is exactly what God did provide for me through my husband of over 36 years.)

 God  loves us and wants the very best for each of us, and when we come to His Word and what His word is telling us, we need to read it with that in mind.

Jesus talks about this when He tells us that if anyone hears His words and listens and obeys, they are like a man who built his house on the rock, and when the rains came and the storms came, (rains and storms always come in life), the house stood firm.   On the other hand, if one does not listen to Jesus, they are like a man who built his house on the sand, and when the rains and storms came that house was destroyed.

God does not want our house—our life to be destroyed—that is His motivation.  He loves us—He wants the best for us.  God wants the best for us.   During this time if we haven’t been listening to Him, we can start.  The God I know is a genius at rebuilding houses that have been destroyed – and putting them on a solid foundation.   It is never too late to cast oneself into the Hands of a loving and forgiving God and ask for a new beginning. 

May We Be Encouraged!!

February—and Love!!

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou13 Comments

February is the month my parents and my husband’s parents got married. 

My parents–married in February, 1957.
My husband’s parents, married in February 1958.

February is the month we celebrate Valentine’s Day. The world considers February the love month.

I’d like to give you examples of things my parents did for me and my siblings to show us love. I want to do this–to encourage my mom–that the life she lived, and my Dad lived—to love us, was noticed and appreciated and valued. (My Dad and my husband’s parents have already passed into eternity. We are equally grateful to them for their sacrifises of love for us.)

My mom would praise and encourage me often.  She would notice things that I did and praise my efforts—even if it was as simple as cleaning out the sink. 

My Dad showed his love in acts of service.  He would scour pans, vacuum around the house, set up tents when we were camping with great care, chop up wood for our wood burning furnace—and do a myriad of other tasks all to take care of us, and make life easier for us.

My mom was in charge of gifts and gift giving.  While my Dad’s salary provided for all our needs, my mom’s salary went to the luxuries of life—gifts, vacations, etc.  My mom would shop for Christmas with great care, and then both of my parents would wrap the gifts together.  Together they made Christmas time one of the most magical times of the year.

Both of my parents would hug us.  However, after my dad had his stroke—hugs and touch were one of the few ways he had to communicate his love, as he lost his ability to speak—and so that was how he would show us he loved us.  My Dad lived for 5 years without speech, until God took him home.  (Tears come to my eyes at the thought of this.)

Quality time was spent with my parents every day.  We ate supper together as a family, every night.  We often laughed together, and told stories of our day around that old farmhouse table that my Dad had lovingly restored.   Our family took a vacation every year together.  We went camping and swimming and canoeing.  We took a big trip to California and went to Disney Land and Knot’s Berry Farm.  We went to New Orleans.  We went to Virginia Beach.  We had fun together, and we still tell stories of the times we spent with each other—(and let’s be honest—the fights we also had during these times.)

 When I was a teenager, and wanted to be on the track team, my Dad ran with me to help train me and get me in shape.  He spent quality time with me, and he would tell me his stories and tell me what a great runner I was and was going to be.  (Which was total love on my Dad’s part—as I was not that good.  My Dad however was a great runner. )

I know that you could tell me your stories of how your parents showed you, they loved you.  Maybe you can’t.   Even if that is the case—we have a Father who demonstrated and demonstrates His love for us. He demonstrated that love by sending His Son to live and die for you and me.  God demonstrates that love for us, everyday, if we have the eyes to see it and the ears to hear it. Anytime something beautiful touches your heart, or your ears, or any of your senses—that is God telling you He loves you, and He is with you, and He will never leave you.

In God’s world, every month is a love month, and every day is a day to be awake to His love, and every minute is a moment to be aware that He loves you and will never leave you! So take a moment to breathe in the great love, our Father has for you!

May We Be Encouraged!!

Joy and Peace

Published on by katiesencouragementforyou11 Comments

After I had my third child–Sean James, I experienced postpartum depression.  It was bad. 

I remember going to a woman’s gathering, and telling my best friend, (Becki Crain), how depressed I was.  Our conversation was overheard by another woman, who proceeded to tell me that if I trusted in Jesus, I would not be depressed.  My countenance fell, sorrow filled my soul.  My friend Becki had compassion in her eyes as she looked at me, and then turned to the other woman and said, “One thing doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the other.”

I relate that story because it has not been my first time, and it probably won’t be my last time, of being judged by other people, and somehow feeling diminished in the process.  My first response to this judgement is to want to defend myself.  They don’t understand.  Perhaps I could make them understand.  Perhaps if they understood and agreed with me, I would somehow feel restored.

My second reaction is to try to avoid such people and such encounters in the future.  Certainly, after my son Sean died–I did isolate myself.  My wounds were too great to have others inadvertently touching them with their clumsy words and possible judgements.  When I did experience judgements and corrections—my response was to lash out in anger.

Awhile back, I experienced a situation where I felt judged and misunderstood.  I felt very vulnerable.   I walked away from that time, so angry with God.  How could He not protect me?  How could He have allowed me to be so hurt?  Then I turned the anger on myself.  How could I have put myself in a situation where I would be so vulnerable?

For the past four years, I’ve been going to Celebrate Recovery.  Everyone there is dealing with hurts, habits and hang-ups of some sort or another.  When we meet in small groups, we start each group by reading through a list of guidelines –things like we aren’t there to fix each other, rather, to listen to each other, and so after each person takes 3 to 5 minutes to talk about their own recovery–no one says anything to fix them.  I must tell you—this is glorious!!  It definitely gives me a feeling of being safe, heard and understood. (I highly recommend a group like this.)

So—how did I process the previous situation?  Well, like God used my friend Becki to comfort me, and correct the other woman, God used another Becky to give me a book, which I read, which greatly comforted me.  But mostly, God showed up.  Once again, I saw that God is near to the brokenhearted.  God, Himself, comforted me.  He reminded me that my value and significance was not found in anyone or anything but Him.  Others may have legitimate things to say to me—even though they may hurt me at the time– however, everything they say must be brought to the feet of Jesus to see if it is legitimate, and to act on it, if so.   

I was able, after that time with the Lord, to speak with each of the people who had spoken to me, not in anger, but in love and forgiveness.  I knew this was the gift of the Holy Spirit to me.  This was the work of God in my life.   Going through this experience has helped me see that I don’t need to avoid people for fear of being hurt by them.  People are not my God.  God is my God, and His love is never failing.  His will is to give me His Joy and Peace—which surpasses all understanding.

May We Be Encouraged!