Today–September 17,2019

Today marks the 6th anniversary of our son Sean’s death. Sean was out riding his bike, when he was hit by a car. He was declared dead a day later. Sean’s death was an event for which we did not plan, we could not control, an event that we could not even imagine. Sean’s death rocked and still rocks our world. It made me look at beliefs I thought were solid.
Being Sean’s mom has taught me so much, about life, about myself, about God

I am a pretty fearful person — I think because I don’t want to experience Pain, and I don’t want my children to experience Pain. When Sean was alive he did not seem to be afraid, of anything. He would do the most daring things — completely and utterly without fear — which sent fear through me — more times than I can remember.. When he was three years old, we gave him one of those battery driven motorcycles for Christmas. Sean got on it, and was immediately disappointed that it didn’t go faster! I would say that Sean was always pushing his limits, but Sean did not seem to be aware that he had limits.

Sean lived life with such abandon, with such joy! I would often look at him with wonder, as he saw life so differently than I did. He wanted to live and he wanted those around him to live with the realization that we might never get to live that moment again. He was continually encouraging us to jump into life, to engage with each other, to not be afraid!!

After, Sean died, I was thrown into a crisis of faith. How could God have let this happen to my son? I thought God would protect us and provide for us. Indeed, He promised in His Word that He would protect us and provide for us. However, Jesus also said, “in this world, you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.”

Which lead me to question: Did Jesus really overcome the world? I know Jesus is a recognized historical person — He did live on this earth. But did He rise from the dead? Was He who He said He was when He told His disciples that He and the Father were One, and if they saw Him, they also saw the Father. Was He God in human flesh? Did His one death, pay the penalty for all our sins? I thought of our sins — the sins of humanity — our greed, anger, malice, slander– the sins of our heart which lead to murder, rape, wars, corruption. All the ways we hurt each other. Were we really forgiven for these things? Because of Jesus’s death and resurrection — were we forgiven and would we have eternal life?

What I found was–Yes, Yes, there is so much Evidence for all these things. But these gifts must be received by each of us individually for us to experience God’s love and forgiveness on a personal level. (I suggest reading Josh McDowell’s books, (, or Lee Stroebel’s books, (, to begin an investigation into the same things.)

In confirming my faith, I have become more aware of God’s presence in my life. I have felt His presence and love when I’ve been in the depths of pain and grief, and His presence when I’ve been at the heights of joy. I have experienced God’s protection and provision in the midst of experiencing trials, tribulations, suffering and pain. I have learned that our God does not lie, and all His word can be trusted. He is truth. He is the Word of God. He is the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. I hope this testimony will help any person reading this who may want a relationship with God, or need encouragement in their relationship with our Lord. I hope it provides comfort to anyone in crisis. I hope you’ll be encouraged!!

11 thoughts on “Today–September 17,2019

  1. Truth provides comfort for what we can’t understand, but pain is what we feel when life, in all its brokenness and sin, tries to trump truth. It’s work to believe–and I admire your ongoing journey of faith through a pain that won’t go away.

    Liked by 1 person

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