Young women, if you are reading this, it is because God has something to say to you about marriage and about loving your husband.
God wants you to experience oneness and love in your marriage, and yet He knows that you may not experience intimacy, and at times find it difficult– if not impossible– to truly love you husband.
Why? Because you married a human being. (Your husband also married a human being.)
Marriage will expose both of your humanness in a way that nothing else will. It will expose the areas where God made you in His own image, and the areas where sin has been allowed to grow and rule. It will expose your sinfulness and selfishness and your husband’s sinfulness and selfishness. (And if I am being perfectly honest–it is much easier for me to see my husband’s faults than it is for me to see my own, and vice versa.)
At times, you will wonder, “who is this person I married?”—he will seem such a stranger to you.
At times you will wonder, “who am I, and why am I acting this way? I seem such a stranger to myself”.
This is what I know, after being married for 31 years—it is God who has brought my husband and I to this point—I mean that in every way. We have raised 5 children together and lost a son, we have experienced sorrow so terrible—it seemed we could not go on and joy so great, we rejoiced in our life; we have weathered many storms in life—and believe me when I say that every day, sometimes moment by moment, we choose to hang on to God.
So, if I could give you any advice, any advice—it is—hang on, hang on—to God and to each other. Sometimes it will seem as if you are riding the rapids of life, and you are—so hang on!!
When you don’t think you can hang on for one more minute–read 1 Corinthians 13, and ask God to show you how to love your husband. Thank Him for loving you as He describes it in 1 Corinthians 13— and ask Him to fill you up with His love.
He will!! And while we may, with our limited strength, be hanging onto God, please know that He is always holding onto us with His infinite strength, and He won’t let go!! So Be Encouraged!!
Tomorrow is my husband and my 30th wedding anniversary. I remember the first time I saw my husband. We were both on staff with Cru, (a Christian ministry), working with college students in Wisconsin. The Wisconsin Staff were taking college students down to Florida for a conference being held over Spring Break and we were riding on Greyhound Buses. My roommate pointed out the new staff guy in Wisconsin from our bus window. Rich was standing out in the parking lot talking to some other staff. He was tall, athletic looking, with dark curly hair, and I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. I was not looking so lovely, in my sweats, with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, and my thick round glasses on. (I had decided to forgo my contacts and attractive clothes for comfort. I was not looking for a husband or a boyfriend, finally happy with my single status at the ripe young age of 27.)
Rich ended up riding on our bus, and sitting in the seat right next to me, (I’m still not sure how that happened). We talked for the entire 24-hour trip. We had so much in common; we shared about our families, our college experiences, friends we had in common. One of the weirdest things that we discussed is that when I graduated from college, I got a job in Columbus, OH. Rich was finishing his degree at Ohio State University. We went to the same church for a while, had many of the same friends, babysat for the same family, remember being at certain places at the same time—and we never once met each other or remember seeing or even hearing about each other. It’s as if God blinded our eyes to one another. It was not time yet for us to meet.
I remember thinking after that bus trip, “this guy is going to be one of my best friends”. I felt so comfortable with him, like I had come home. Rich told me later, that he knew from that bus ride, that he was going to marry me.
Forward to the night before our wedding—I stayed up until 3 a.m. talking with my friend who was one of my bridesmaids, trying to decide if I was really going to go through with the wedding. There was a storm outside, thunder and lighting and rain—weather truly suitable to the turmoil I was feeling inside. Could I do this? Could I really commit my life to this man? The fear I was experiencing was palpable. Finally, I went to sleep, and the next morning, I woke up to sunny skies and a feeling of absolute joy and peace exploding within my heart. God was giving me reassurance that this man was for me, and He would be with me, every step of the way.
I realize now that the reason I was so fearful about making a commitment to one man for the rest of my life, was because I was terrified about letting one person see who I really was and seeing another person for who they were. I was nervous about the soul intimacy of marriage. Marriage is about becoming one with another person, which in my mind meant becoming vulnerable to that person, while that person became vulnerable to me.
I did not want to do this– to be vulnerable is to open oneself to being hurt. I had been hurt in the past and was not eager to be hurt at that level again, at the same time I did not want to hurt Rich.
Before Rich and I got engaged, I prayed and asked God, “Do you want me to marry Rich?” God answered me, “This man needs to be loved.” I knew God was telling me that if I married Rich, I was not to hold anything back.
The Holy Spirit has been my faithful teacher. Nudging me to apologize when I’ve been wrong. Spurring me on to act out love—even when I do not feel love. Giving me the courage to be vulnerable, and share who I really am, even when I am filled with fear. Giving me the faith and patience to accept my husband, realizing it is God’s role to transform my husband in His timing, just as it is God’s role to transform me.
In addition to all these things, God has brought other brothers and sisters in Christ into our lives to help us along the way. There are times in our lives that I don’t know how we would have endured without this help. Particularly after our son, Sean died.
I must be honest and say that while at times the Body of Christ has been amazing, it has also been disappointing. The Body is made up of people, and people—the people to whom we are married, or the people with whom we go to church are not perfect – not by a long shot. (I include myself as part of the “People”).
Therefore, I have come to glory in what Jesus has done on the cross in dying for us amazing and many times broken people.
Jesus’s death on the cross is the perfect expression of love. He sees us for who we really are, and He loves us anyway. He demonstrated that love by dying for us, so we could belong to Him, and be with Him, forever.
In the movie, “Sleepless in Seattle”, there is a scene where the woman in it describes a scene from another movie—a classic, called “An Affair to Remember:. In, “An Affair to Remember”, the heroine is in an accident and is paralyzed, and the hero finds her, (after searching for her for a long time), and finds out she is paralyzed, and they embrace and he cries, “I wish it had been me, not you”. (I always, always cry during this part, as it hits that part of me that recognizes true sacrificial unconditional love—the longing within each human heart.)
This is the love that God has for each of us. He sees us for who we truly are and loves us unconditionally. He loves us sacrificially. So even when others disappoint, God does not. (Sometimes, that does not “feel” like the truth – but it is the truth, even when it does not “feel” like it. Our feelings can lie to us, but God and His love letter to us—The Bible—never lie).
It has helped me to remember how forgiven I am, when I need to forgive my husband. Mostly, it helps to remember how loved I am. I have been loved with an everlasting love. You have been loved with an everlasting love. This love will never fail. This love will never, ever leave. Hebrews 13:5
20 years ago, in March of 2000, my friend Becki Crain died.
I met Becki in 1992. We were in a mom’s bible study, that had 5 women in it. We all brought our children to the study. At the time, I just had one child, and Becki had 2. Eight years later, I would have 4 children, and Becki –5 children.
As time went on—Becki and I became close friends. We shared our lives with each other. We prayed together. We encouraged each other in our faith. We were both stay at home moms, and we were trusting God to take care of our families financially and in every way. Becki used to be a teacher and she taught me how to teach my oldest son how to read. We started our homeschooling journey together.
Becki and I laughed together. At the end of her life, we were still laughing together. If she were still alive during this time, I guarantee, we would be laughing together.
She found out she had cancer when she was 5 months pregnant. The doctors wanted her to start on chemotherapy while she was pregnant, but Becki didn’t think they had enough research –and she wouldn’t risk the baby’s health.
She died 5 months after her baby was born. She went over to Germany when her baby was 3 ½ months old for experimental treatments. They did not work. She flew back home, saw her baby again, and her family and friends. I saw her again, and within 24 hours, she was gone.
During the time of her cancer, I got to see the Body of Christ at work in a way I never had before. I was in a mom’s bible study and the women in it helped me with bringing meals to Becki and her family, and cleaning her house. Becki was not in this Bible Study and these women did not know her.
These women helped me raise money for Becki’s medical expenses, by having a huge garage sale. The local Christian radio station let us advertise the sale on their radio program. Hundreds of people donated things to sell at the garage sale. Hundreds more came to the sale.
My local church allowed us to have the sale at the church. This was not Becki’s church. But I learned—that “We” are all the church. The church is not a building.
People who did not know Becki sent money. I saw so many, many, many people show their love and care.
This outpouring of love, helped me so much when God took Becki home.
God is love. God is love. I got to see this love working through His people. I literally got to see God’s love.
Becki is seeing that love, and feeling that love, all the time now. Becki was the one who told me when she was fighting cancer, “When you face the thing you fear the most, you realize you have nothing to fear, for God is with you through it all.”
When my son died, I remembered her words, and I thought of how true they were. God was with me through it all.
As we go through this time in our world history, I want us to remember those words. They are true words—and we can cling to them.
Perhaps, you know someone who has this virus. Perhaps you are grieving someone who has died of this virus. Perhaps you have this virus.
You do not have to fear — God is with us through it all. God is love. He cares for you. Death cannot separate us from His love. Nothing can separate us from His love.
The Sunshine Blogger Award is one of the best ways to learn more about other Christian bloggers who strive to write spiritually encouraging and beneficial content for all of us. The sunshine blogger award is not an official award, it’s just as important because it really reflects the good impact we can have on other people’s lives. (Statements were cited from nominators’ blogs)
Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog
List the rules and display an award logo on your blog post
Answer the 11 questions the blogger(s) asked you
Nominate 11 other bloggers to receive the award and notify them by commenting on any of their post
Ask the nominees 11 new questions
11 questions by Herry
How did get started blogging? The Holy Spirit has been nudging me for years to write, and I had gotten to a point in my life that I felt I could focus on writing, so I asked the Lord what He wanted me to write about and He told me He wanted me to encourage younger mothers to love their husbands and their children by sharing my stories.
Other than Jesus what Biblical “character” would you most like to spend time with? I would love to be friends with Ruth. She was a woman of faith, and she was loyal and she knew how to love and be loyal.
How many places have you lived? I have lived in Ohio, Wisconsin and Michigan, and spent a couple of summers in California, Virginia and New Jersey.
Where/How do you blog (i.e. home office on PC, in my recliner on lap top)?. I blog on my laptop, but it helps to be alone without distractions.
How has your life changed since you stared blogging? It has helped me to remember all the ways God has worked and intervened in my life. The Bible tells us to “Remember” as it helps to bolster our faith. This blog has probably encouraged me, more than anyone who has read it. 🙂
If you had zero subscribers, would you still blog? Blogging isn’t about who reads my blogs, (that’s nice:) but blogging is about being obedient to God.
Do you attend a small, medium or large church? Medium to large sized church.
Why did you choose that particular congregation? God led us there after our son died.
How long have you been a Christ follower? 40 years.
What is your favorite holiday & why? Christmas–my husband loves to give gifts, and I think his generosity so reflects the generosity of our Heavenly Father, who gives in lavish abundance.
Other than blogging are you involved in any other ministry? Yes– A group of friends and I host monthly international teas. I have heard that internationals come to our country and never get invited into an American’s home. I hope to see that change, one tea, one community at a time. Perhaps someone will read this and decide to start international events in their own communities.
My nominees are amazing and encouraging writers. Please read their blogs, you’ll be encouraged and supported in your faith. (Nominees–You are under no obligation to participate. 🙂 )
Tomorrow is my husband and my 30th wedding
anniversary. I remember the first time I
saw my husband. We were both on staff
with Cru, (a Christian ministry), working with college students in
Wisconsin. The Wisconsin Staff were
taking college students down to Florida for a conference being held over Spring
Break and we were riding on Greyhound Buses.
My roommate pointed out the new staff guy in Wisconsin from our bus window. Rich was standing out in the parking lot talking
to some other staff. He was tall, athletic
looking, with dark curly hair, and I thought he was the most handsome man I had
ever seen. I was not looking so lovely,
in my sweats, with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, and my thick round
glasses on. (I had decided to forgo my
contacts and attractive clothes for comfort.
I was not looking for a husband or a boyfriend, finally happy with my
single status at the ripe young age of 27.)
Rich ended up riding on our bus, and sitting in the seat
right next to me, (I’m still not sure how that happened). We talked for the entire 24-hour trip. We had so much in common; we shared about our
families, our college experiences, friends we had in common. One of the weirdest things that we discussed
is that when I graduated from college, I got a job in Columbus, OH. Rich was finishing his degree at Ohio State
University. We went to the same church
for a while, had many of the same friends, babysat for the same family, remember
being at certain places at the same time—and we never once met each other or
remember seeing or even hearing about each other. It’s as if God blinded our eyes to one
another. It was not time yet for us to
meet.
I remember thinking after that bus trip, “this guy is going
to be one of my best friends”. I felt so
comfortable with him, like I had come home.
Rich told me later, that he knew from that bus ride, that he was going
to marry me.
Forward to the night before our wedding—I stayed up until 3
a.m. talking with my friend who was one of my bridesmaids, trying to decide if
I was really going to go through with the wedding. There was a storm outside, thunder and
lighting and rain—weather truly suitable to the turmoil I was feeling
inside. Could I do this? Could I really commit my life to this
man? The fear I was experiencing was
palpable. Finally, I went to sleep, and
the next morning, I woke up to sunny skies and a feeling of absolute joy and
peace exploding within my heart. God was
giving me reassurance that this man was for me, and He would be with me, every
step of the way.
I realize now that the reason I was so fearful about making
a commitment to one man for the rest of my life, was because I was terrified
about letting one person see who I really was and seeing another person for who
they were. I was nervous about the soul
intimacy of marriage. Marriage is about
becoming one with another person, which in my mind meant becoming vulnerable to
that person, while that person became vulnerable to me.
I did not want to do this– to be vulnerable is to open
oneself to being hurt. I had been hurt
in the past and was not eager to be hurt at that level again, at the same time
I did not want to hurt Rich.
Before Rich and I got engaged, I prayed and asked God, “Do
you want me to marry Rich?” God answered
me, “This man needs to be loved.” I knew
God was telling me that if I married Rich, I was not to hold anything back.
The Holy Spirit has been my faithful teacher. Nudging me to apologize when I’ve been wrong. Spurring me on to act out love—even when I do
not feel love. Giving me the courage to
be vulnerable, and share who I really am, even when I am filled with fear. Giving me the faith and patience to accept my
husband, realizing it is God’s role to transform my husband in His timing, just
as it is God’s role to transform me.
In addition to all these things, God has brought other
brothers and sisters in Christ into our lives to help us along the way. There are times in our lives that I don’t
know how we would have endured without this help. Particularly after our son, Sean died.
I must be honest and say that while at times the Body of
Christ has been amazing, it has also been disappointing. The Body is made up of people, and people—the
people to whom we are married, or the people with whom we go to church are not
perfect – not by a long shot. (I include
myself as part of the “People”).
Therefore, I have come to glory in what Jesus has done on
the cross in dying for us amazing and many times broken people.
Jesus’s death on the cross is the perfect expression of
love. He sees us for who we really are,
and He loves us anyway. He demonstrated
that love by dying for us, so we could belong to Him, and be with Him, forever.
In the movie, “Sleepless in Seattle”, there is a scene where the woman in it describes a scene from another movie—a classic, called “An Affair to Remember:. In, “An Affair to Remember”, the heroine is in an accident and is paralyzed, and the hero finds her, (after searching for her for a long time), and finds out she is paralyzed, and they embrace and he cries, “I wish it had been me, not you”. (I always, always cry during this part, as it hits that part of me that recognizes true sacrificial unconditional love—the longing within each human heart.)
This is the love that God has for each of us. He sees us for who we truly are and loves us unconditionally. He loves us sacrificially. So even when others disappoint, God does
not. (Sometimes, that does not “feel”
like the truth – but it is the truth, even when it does not “feel” like it. Our feelings can lie to us, but God and His
love letter to us—The Bible—never lie).
It has helped me to remember how forgiven I am, when I need
to forgive my husband. Mostly, it helps
to remember how loved I am. I have been
loved with an everlasting love. You have
been loved with an everlasting love.
This love will never fail. This
love will never, ever leave. Hebrews
13:5
Encouragement for you!! 