Listening – Encouragement for you!!

Difficult People

Difficult People—Everyone has them–they are the people we find hard to love– hard to even be around, They don’t mesh with our personalities. They don’t get our jokes. We sense that they don’t really like us either. Or maybe, they like us too much, if you know what I mean.

Difficult people–how do we navigate “difficult people”?

When I was in college, I was involved with a Christian group and I read a booklet called, “How to Love by Faith.” It was about not relying on our feelings, but choosing to love and act out love, and relying on God to give us the ability to do this. This booklet was so helpful to me–you can click here to read it yourself.

However, in spite of having all this great information—there was a person in my life–that I found hard to like–in fact– she was a difficult person for many people. She was in a leadership position, and she used that position to bully people, not serve them. I sensed that she did not have many friends. She seemed to take joy in intimidating others. She would verbally bully others to do her will.

I have wondered over the years, why I found it so difficult to, “love her by faith”–why did my feelings keep winning in regards to her.

This is my breakthrough thought—it was because of how I felt about myself around her. I felt powerless. I felt like a victim. I felt inadequate. I felt……lesser than.

Why did I feel these things? Because I was believing lies about myself—–lies that the father of lies is eager for all of us to believe—lies she was probably also believing about herself—

What are these lies?.

My value is based on my position, possessions, power or personal appearance.
I have to be perfect to be loved.
I’ll never really belong.

However, that is not what God says is true of me–

He says I am valuable: “Look at the birds of the air, they do not reap or sow or gather into barns. Yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” Matthew 6:26

“Indeed the very hairs on your head are numbered, do not fear, you are more valuable than many sparrows.” Luke 12: 7

God says I am loved: “…the Son of God, who loved me and died for me.” Galatians 2:20b

“….the love of God has been poured out in our hearts…..” Romans 5:5b

God says I belong, “ You belong to Christ…..” I Cor. 3:23a

“But you are a chosen race, a royal Priesthood, a Holy Nation, a people of God’s own possession…..” 1 Peter 2:9

The Evil One would like me to believe that I am worthless, unloveable and worth rejecting and whether this person knew it or not, by the manner in which she treated people–she was conveying all those lies.

So, here is the real question, “Do I now love this person by faith?” “Yes, I do!” And it is fairly easy to do, because I never see her anymore!! 🙂 LOL

However, God has brought other ‘difficult’ people into my life–and because of my experience struggling to love her, I am able to love them, as I abide in Christ, and focus on Him and His truths.

Honestly, God’s love—it will transform our world!!

So Be Encouraged!!

Listening—-one of the best things one can do for someone who is grieving–is to listen to them–just listen–just be with them. So often, people don’t know what to say, and so they say–well–really stupid things– Things to try to “fix”, things to try to make the one grieving, “feel better.” Perhaps there is a reason one can’t think of what to say–perhaps the reason is–that nothing needs to be said, but instead listening needs to happen.

After we lost Sean, some dear friends who were in the Pastorate, met with us once a week, for over a year, and they listened to us–and they gave us books to read, and they “were there” for us. During one of our times together, I was telling our friends–that I could sense God’s presence with me, but God was not saying anything to me–He was “silent.”

Recently, I was reading a friend’s blog–and she discussed this idea of listening, and she discussed how God is listening to us. Suddenly, it hit me. When I sensed God’s presence–but He was silent–He was listening to me. He was just being with me.

He wasn’t trying to fix my pain. He wasn’t trying to “make me feel better”, He was just listening.

Even as I write these things–I cry. Lord knows, I need to be fixed. Lord, knows, I need to feel better. Yet God listened. And in the listening, it was communicated, “ I am here for you. You are accepted by Me. You belong to me. You are my beloved. You belong to Me. You are accepted by Me. I am here for you.”

All these things and more were communicated in the listening.

Listening—sometimes it is the best thing, it is the only thing….that is needed by the one who is grieving.